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He wants to kiss me, but he doesn’t. Neither of us moves. We are bound together and yet parted. Two halves that can’t be glued into a whole. Maybe that’s how it is when you find someone whose wounds are the same as your own.
Because the barrier between me and Jonah isn’t one that will slowly disappear with time. Jonah has to tear it down.
Our relationship is pure paradox.
“Anything that brings me back to you is worth it,”
“Aha. I see things are heating up again with Lava Boy.”
Now tell me of your adventures with the volcano scientist. Describe the most recent eruption.”
he slides his arms around me and steers me into a dance. I laugh softly; he does too, and says, “Is it too ridiculous? Dancing with a guy in front of the sink?” “I wasn’t laughing because it’s funny. Because it’s beautiful.” I look into Jonah’s gray eyes. “Because you’re beautiful.”
“You like the tie?” “Mmmm-hmm.” He leans closer and whispers, “It would make a good blindfold.” Oh, Merry Christmas to me.
I cry out as he begins fucking me, hard, fast, and merciless. He’s so deep inside, like he’s getting to the core of me with every single savage thrust. With my legs up like this, I’m totally vulnerable; it feels rougher than ever before. And I love it. I love it.
“That doesn’t matter,” I say. “Your battles are my battles, Jonah. I go where you go.”
“If you could see yourself like this—this dress, your eyes, even the damned shiny hat—Jesus, Vivienne. You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
There’s a bleak symmetry to this, I realize. A kind of poetry. Once we believed we shared nothing but a sexual fetish. Now that fetish is the only thing keeping us apart. It is beautiful to be so tied to someone. It’s terrible to know that’s not the only way you’re bound.
“They say if everything suddenly becomes more difficult, that means you’ve leveled up.”
“Please explain to me why that delicious man is lying in bed without you lying on top of him.”
Jonah says he doesn’t want apologies; he wants to get back to work on the latest data from Japan. Deep within that hot exterior, there’s a science nerd trying to get out.
I could never come up with one picture, or phrase, that sums up what you mean to me either.”