First Things First

by Stephen R. Covey

While we do control our choice of action, we cannot control the consequences of our choices. Universal laws or principles do.

more important than how fast you’re going, is where you’re headed.

meaningful life is not a matter of speed or efficiency. It’s much more a matter of what you do and why you do it, than how fast you get it done.

“The Main Thing Is to Keep the Main Thing the Main Thing,”

More than doing things right, it’s focused on doing the right things.

How Many People on Their Deathbed Wish They’d Spent More Time at the Office?

But for most of us, the issue is not between the “good” and the “bad,” but between the “good” and the “best.” So often, the enemy of the best is the good.

The clock represents our commitments, appointments, schedules, goals, activities—what we do with, and how we manage our time.

The compass represents our vision, values, principles, mission, conscience, direction—what we feel is important and how we lead our lives.

We can control our choices, but we can’t control the consequences of those choices.

Our values drive our choices and actions.

Just because we value something does not necessarily mean it will create quality-of-life results. When what we value is in opposition to the natural laws that govern peace of mind and quality of life, we base our lives on illusion and set ourselves up for failure.

Fundamental to putting first things first in our lives is leadership before management: “Am I doing the right things?” before “Am I doing things right?”

One thing’s for sure: if we keep doing what we’re doing, we’re going to keep getting what we’re getting. One definition of insanity is “to keep doing the same things and expect different results.”

The fourth generation is based on the “importance” paradigm. Knowing and doing what’s important rather than simply responding to what’s urgent is foundational to putting first things first.

The essence of these needs is captured in the phrase “to live, to love, to learn, to leave a legacy.” The need to live is our physical need for such things as food, clothing, shelter, economic well-being, health. The need to love is our social need to relate to other people, to belong, to love, to be loved. The need to learn is our mental need to develop and to grow. And the need to leave a legacy is our spiritual need to have a sense of meaning, purpose, personal congruence, and contribution.

Values will not bring quality of life results . . . unless we value principles.

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

We’re not victims. We’re not the product of our past. We are the product of our choices. We are “response-able”—able to respond, to choose beyond our moods and tendencies.

As one wise man observed, “The greatest battles we fight are in the silent chambers of our own souls.” We need to ask ourselves: “Am I willing to be a person of total integrity? Am I willing to apologize when I make mistakes, to love unconditionally, to value someone else’s happiness as much as I do my own?”

The Main Thing Is To Keep The Main Thing The Main Thing

The key, however, is not to prioritize your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.

In a sense, we each live three lives. We have our public life, where we interact with other people at work, in the community, at social events. We have our private life, where we’re away from the public. We may be alone or we may choose to be with friends or family. But our most significant life is our deep inner life. This is where we connect with our unique human endowments of self-awareness, conscience, independent will, and creative imagination. Without these endowments, it’s impossible to create the kind of empowering vision that will create quality-of-life results.

Wisdom comes from . . . balance.

Good judgment comes when your logical and rational thoughts and ideas are supported by a gut reaction that the decision “feels” right, and you can live comfortably with the consequences of your action.

Inner wisdom goes even farther because the decision not only feels right, but it also fits in with your values and beliefs.

Building character strength is like building physical strength. When the test comes, if you don’t have it, no cosmetics can disguise the fact that it just isn’t there. You can’t fake it. It takes strength to set a heroic goal, to work on chronic problems instead of going for the “quick fix,” to stay with your commitments when the tide of popular opinion turns against you.

Self-awareness involves deep personal honesty. It comes from asking and answering hard questions: Do I really want to do it? Am I willing to pay the price? Do I have enough strength to do it? Do I accept the responsibility for my own growth? Am I settling for mediocrity when I could be achieving excellence? Am I blaming and accusing others for my own inability to set and achieve goals?

A principle-based goal is all three: the right thing, for the right reason, in the right way.

Much of our frustration and anxiety come from the feeling of being unprepared. Many activities become urgent as a result of lack of proper preparation. Through weekly organizing, we create a framework that allows for and encourages preparation.

As Vince Lombardi said, “Fatigue makes cowards of us all.”4 When we’re tired or ill, we often tend to be more reactive. In addition, the abuse of chemical substances such as drugs and alcohol can severely diminish the space between stimulus and response.

People know it. In their deep inner lives, they know what they ought to be doing. And they know it would improve quality of life. The challenge is to develop the character and competence to listen to it and live by it—to act with integrity in the moment of choice.

As long as you live, keep learning how to live. -Seneca

But the fourth-generation paradigm is people first, things second. It’s leadership first, management second. It’s effectiveness first, efficiency second. It’s purpose first, structure second. It’s vision first, method second.

This is the essence of win-win: in almost all situations, cooperation is far more productive than competition.

The lesson isn’t that we take turns losing—you’re on top one minute; we’re on top the next. It’s that between us is the ability to work together to achieve far more than either of us could on our own.

“win-win-win.” By working together, learning from each other, helping each other grow, everyone benefits, including society as a whole.

Seek first to understand, then to be understood (based on principles of respect, humility, and authenticity).

Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

People essentially get their satisfaction off the job. They spend much of their on-the-job time in Quadrant III—politicking, backbiting, blaming, accusing, and confessing each other’s sins. Then they stand around in the halls massaging each other’s hearts:

“Now I understand for the first time why I don’t trust some people. I think, ‘You’re a good person. You’re honest. So why don’t I trust you?’ “I realize now it’s because they’re not competent. They haven’t stayed current in their profession. They’re obsolete. They’ve been carried by the organization. They don’t have the spirit of continuous improvement.”

But competence without character doesn’t inspire trust either.

technical competence—the knowledge and skill to achieve the agreed-upon results; the ability to think through problems and look for new alternatives

conceptual competence—the ability to see the big picture, to examine assumptions and shift perspectives •

interdependent competence—the ability to interact effectively with others, including the ability to listen, communicate, get to third alternatives, create win-win agreements, and work toward synergistic solutions; the ability to see and operate effectively and cooperatively in complete organizations and systems

some people have called feedback “the breakfast of champions.” But it isn’t the breakfast; it’s the lunch. Vision is the breakfast. Self-correction is the dinner.

Roger asked each of the children to write three words on a piece of paper: continue, stop, and start. Then he said, “What are the things I’m now doing you’d like to see me continue to do? What would you like to see me stop doing? What would you like to see me start doing that I’m not doing now?” I had to admit I admired his courage.

When someone comes to you with a problem, ask him or her, “What do you recommend?” Don’t be quick to solve problems that people can and should solve for themselves. Encourage them to use their creativity to find newer, better ways to do things. Hold people accountable for results, not methods.

It’s important to realize that we are not ultimately responsible for the development of anyone else. We can never really change someone; people must change themselves. But we can help. We can be a resource. We can nurture, encourage, and support. We can be a leader servant. Use