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May 11 - May 17, 2021
Perfectionism makes you stay home, not take chances, and procrastinate on projects; it makes you think your life is worse than it is; it keeps you from being yourself; it stresses you out; it tells you that good is bad; and it ignores the natural way in which things work.
a mini habit is a too-small-to-fail behavior you do every day.
But look back over your life, and think of all the thousands of little moments in which you had an opportunity to be doing something that could have added up to mastery in an area by now. These small everyday decisions (and omissions) form the bulk of our lives.
“If you look for perfection, you'll never be content.” ~ Leo Tolstoy
The only real security is knowing and accepting who you are right now. If you embrace your identity with your flaws included, it’s a powerful defense against even the harshest criticism.
“Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.” ~ Harriet Braiker
“People defined as healthy perfectionists are never described as actually seeking perfection.”14
The main point here is that action itself is the best starting point for more action, while trying to think your way into more motivation is an unreliable and ineffective way to create forward momentum.
When you treat how you feel as the deciding factor of what you do, you will be a slave to it. You will try so many motivational techniques, but in the end, your results will be as unreliable as your feelings.
People who have successfully changed their lives have figured out that when you start doing something, your emotions follow suit. Never forget this: It’s easier to change your mind and emotions by taking action than it is to change your actions by trying to think and feel differently.
Repetition is how we learn, but as newness fades, so do our emotions toward it.
”No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping everyone on the couch.” ~ Unknown
The primary benefits of becoming an imperfectionist are reduced stress and greater results by taking positive action in more situations. The more fearless, confident, and free a person is, the more they embrace imperfection in their life.
Care less about results. Care more about putting in the work. Care less about problems. Care more about making progress despite them. Or if you must fix something, focus on the solution. Care less about what other people think. Care more about who you want to be and what you want to do. Care less about doing it right. Care more about doing it at all. Care less about failure. Care more about success. Care less about timing. Care more about the task. In general, the idea behind imperfectionism is to not care so much about conditions or results, and care more about what you can do right now to
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Imperfectionism means caring less about certain things, because when you care less, you’re more relaxed in that area. While relaxed, it means you have no major concerns or distractions, and your mind is clear and primed to focus. This means more mental resources are at your disposal.
“When one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have.” ~ Stephen Hawking
If we can create a general confidence in ourselves and stop attaching it to individual happenings, we’ll be more consistent winners and will enjoy life more.
When you decide that pulling one weed in your garden per day is enough, you’ll soon find yourself saying it’s “not quite enough” and pull a few more.
Whatever you want to do more of in life—exercise, write, read, swim, dance, sing, laugh, and so on—lower the bar for doing it. If you are willing to do it in the sewer, you will never fail to do it again.
The only way to get results is to go through whatever process leads to them. There’s no skipping the process just because you really want something. Imperfectionists ignore results because when you care less about any result of a process, it makes the process itself easier.
Perfectionists use their desire for positive results to motivate them to go through the process. Imperfectionists focus on the process and let the results take care of themselves.
Improve your test-taking ability by not caring so much about your grade Be more relaxed in social situations by not caring so much about rejection Deliver a better speech by not caring about mistakes or imperfect delivery Become less anxious by not caring so much about your anxious thoughts and feelings (let them be and don’t fight them) Reduce your depression by caring less about how many negative thoughts you think Improve your productivity by caring less about how much (or what quality of) work you get done
Rumination is a desperate, futile attempt to change the past by thinking about it. It’s a form of denial, and acceptance is the antidote.
If you’ve made a mistake that’s beyond your acceptable line, you must move the line.
Monitor your self-talk. If you find yourself thinking in terms of “should have,” rephrase it to “could have” to evoke a sense of possibility instead of judgment.
The key to building powerful confidence is to decide specifically what you can be confident about right now, and build from there.
Little to no fear of making mistakes is a trait of “doers,” which Einstein was. In fact, this was his thought on making mistakes: “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”
Procrastination is not caused by laziness but by a combination of fear and overcomplicated objectives, which come from a perfectionistic mindset.
Binary focuses on facts—did it happen or not? The analog, subjective component focuses on quality, impact, reception, mistakes, and overall, how close to perfect it was. Always choose binary, and through learning and practice, you’ll get the desired results without worrying about them.
those who simplify and make success easier than failure are those who get into “success cycles.”
Make success easier than failure, and you’ll succeed.
It isn’t lowering your standards, it’s redefining success as progress and raising your standards for consistency.
Redefine success as progress, and success will become modular. You’ll get more frequent feelings of accomplishment and create a powerful foundation that can always be added to.
”A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week." ~ George S. Patton
As psychologist Nico Fridja put it, “Continued pleasures wear off; continued hardships lose their poignancy.”47
The second you understand there is a bigger benefit and less downside to doing something, do it.
What’s the worst thing that could happen? How likely is that to happen, and could I recover from it? What’s the best thing that could happen? How likely is that to happen, and how nice would that be? What’s most likely to happen?
Your best chance to reach your big dreams is through small goals in quantity.
Imperfectionist process action: For one minute each day, consider the imperfectionist process in terms of your plans that day. Imagine how one or more key goals you have for the day can benefit from accepting imperfection in each stage of the process. 1. Imperfect thoughts and ideas. 2. Imperfect decision. 3. Imperfect action. 4. Imperfect adaptation. 5. Imperfect, but successful result.
Adjust your expectations action: For one minute, check your expectations. Choose to have high general expectations and low to no specific expectations.
Decide what’s “enough” action: This idea can be applied specifically or in general. In a specific perfectionism problem area, decide what will be enough for you today. Alternatively, you can generally decide that your life as it is now is enough (contentment). The best way to make this a mini habit is to spend a minute per day practicing contentment with what you have.
Lower the bar action: Create between one and four mini habits of your choice. Visit http://minihabits.com/mini-habit-ideas/ for ideas. The easiest way to lower the bar is with mini habits, which train you to understand that no action is too small or imperfect to be insignificant. This works on your expectations on a deeper level because it eventually rewires your subconscious to accept smaller bits of progress and success. The issue with unrealistic expectations is typically that they freeze you, as you don’t want to jump in unless you are assured of supreme victory on the first try. Mini
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Focus on the process action: Look at your day ahead, pick your most daunting challenge, and break it down into a process you can follow. When the time comes, you’ll be reminded of the process and your challenging task will become much less stressful and will seem more doable! Focus on the process and stop caring about results.
Accepting the past action: For one minute, reflect on the permanent, unchangeable nature of the past.
Replacing rumination action: Take action directly against your rumination (preferably with a related mini habit).
Understanding chance and failure action: If you’re ruminating about a negative outcome or mistake, take one minute to determine if it was because of a chance result or failure. If it is pure failure, think of a different strategy to try. If it is pure chance, try the same strategy again as soon as you can. If it is a combination of the two, continue to try while tweaking your strategy accordingly.
Change your self-talk action: If ruminating on a topic, remove “should have” from your mind and substitute “could have” in the sense of another possible option. If not ruminating, think of the current difficulties in your life and choose to see them as challenges instead of “hard” or “difficult” situations. “Should have” is guilt about the past. “Could have” is opportunity for the future.
Timer hacks action: At least once per day, use one of these timer tools to spark yourself to action on a task that will directly improve or take your mind off of your rumination area(s).
The Countdown Starter: When the timer runs out, you must start your task immediately. The Decision Countdown: You must make a firm decision before the timer runs out! The Focus Timer: For X minutes, you must focus on one task of choice (with strict rules for distractions). The Pomodoro Technique: Work 25 minutes, rest 5 minutes. Repeat. The Work & Play Carousel: Work for an hour, relax for an hour. Repeat.
Chemical confidence boost action: For two minutes before any situation requiring confidence, stand in a “power pose.”
