How to Be an Imperfectionist: The New Way to Self-Acceptance, Fearless Living, and Freedom from Perfectionism

by Stephen Guise

Imperfection isn’t bad, it’s freedom. (To be clear, “perfection” isn’t bad either—by definition, it’s flawless—but perfectionism is problematic.)

Perfectionism makes you stay home, not take chances, and procrastinate on projects; it makes you think your life is worse than it is; it keeps you from being yourself; it stresses you out; it tells you that good is bad; and it ignores the natural way in which things work.

The perfectionist in me saw two strong reasons not to go to the gym. The imperfectionist in me saw an opportunity for a little bit of forward progress, and I took it.

Your floor and ceiling are important considerations in life. Your floor in this case is the absolute minimum you need to be satisfied in life. Your ceiling is your upper potential and wildest dreams. If you’re living in between your floor and your ceiling, you’re happy, because you have the minimum of what you need to be happy. And it goes without saying that you won’t surpass your ceiling (or else it isn’t a ceiling). Perfectionism is a problem because it makes “perfection” your floor. When this is the case, you don’t have a ceiling. The floor is also the ceiling because perfection can’t be surpassed!

While most of the world focuses on the fact that feeling can cause doing, fewer think about how doing can cause feeling, which can then cause more doing.

Once you’ve fully understood your “prior self” in that moment, you will not judge your actions as harshly (just as the key to judging other people less is to try to understand them more). We’re hardest on ourselves when we don’t take a moment to understand.

A great substitute for “should have ___” is “could have ___.” This is the phrase of possibility. Whereas “should” evokes a sense of certainty and obligation, “could” is open-ended and free.

From the Pomodoro website, here is the Pomodoro process35: Decide on the task to be done Set the timer to 25 minutes Work on the task until the timer rings Put a checkmark on paper to signify completion Take a short break (three to five minutes) Every four “pomodoros,” take a longer break (15–30 minutes)

Taking action sometimes means watching a movie or taking a nap when you need to recharge. Relaxation is an important component of a balanced and well-lived life. The unfortunate alternative is passive living, where you “float” along and let life take you where you’d never choose to go on your own.

The rule is: if it takes two minutes or less, do it without further contemplation.

The most successful people (however you wish to define success) are not the ones who get it right the first time. They’re the people who struggle and learn through experience.

For the subject of quantity vs. quality in the context of life decisions and progress, it’s most accurate to say that quantity is the path to quality. When you can refine something over many attempts, improving it more with each iteration, you’re bound to have greater success than if you meticulously planned out the perfect first try. This is interesting, because it means those obsessed with quality should aim for higher quantity to achieve their end goal.

Perfectionists aim for quality: they don’t want to make a mistake; they want to get it right the first time; if they can’t do it right, they won’t do it. Imperfectionists aim for quantity: they’ll accept a rough first try; they’ll be happy to get it right the fifth time; if they can do it at all, even poorly, they will give it a shot.

“Should have” is guilt about the past. “Could have” is opportunity for the future.

For any task that intimidates you or that you feel you don’t measure up to, lower your benchmark to something you know you can do.

People who struggle with Impostor Syndrome are poor at internalizing their accomplishments. Writing them down can help tremendously and make them more tangible in your mind.

Instead of seeing a situation as going from 1 (poorly) to 10 (perfectly), see situations as 0 (not doing anything) and 1 (doing something). When you focus on doing things and counting that as an automatic success, you’ll make more progress in life and do so in a more relaxed manner.