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July 2 - July 2, 2020
The procedural thinker: *grunting sounds* I’ll just roll my body off the side of the bed. *plop* Ugh! Good. Now I need to walk or crawl to my alarm clock, which is not next to my bed in snooze range.
The procedural thinker doesn’t focus on exercise yet because that’s not where the process begins. Difficult processes become easier with “one step at a time” thinking; they are made nearly impossible by looking ahead.
It’s not that the procedural thinker doesn’t hear the circumstantial sob story running through his head. He’s just saying, “That’s interesting, but I’m still going to start the process and see what happens.”
Sage mode - disregards the saboteur
Once you’re at the gym (or wherever your goal may be) and you get started, you’ll be surprised at the inaccuracy of circumstantial excuses.
Circumstances are what life’s like right now (before action) Results are what life could be like (after action) Ideally, we’ll ignore them both. Focusing on either of these hurts our ability to take effective action for the following reasons:
We might use current circumstances as an excuse: I can’t run a mile because I’m tired right now. We might fear the results won’t be good enough (another type of excuse): Running will feel miserable, and I won’t run long enough for it to matter.
Work on this with Sarah
For mental freedom, be apathetic about your current circumstances and potential results. Instead, obsess over the process! When you focus on the process, you haven’t just lowered expectations, you’ve bypassed them altogether.
Researchers have found rumination to be associated with socially-prescribed perfectionism, which is wanting to be seen in a perfect light by others.
Ruminators believe (as evidenced by thought or action) the following: 1. Problem solving requires focusing on the problem 2. Others’ expectations of them are very high 3. Their identity comes from how well they do (as opposed to what they do and who they are) 4. Negative chance outcomes are personal failures 5. Time travel exists (I’m only half-joking, as excessive analysis of the past suggests a desire to change it)
Undoing the rumination habit requires unraveling the beliefs that create it.
I love this phrase - undoing the rumination habit. UNDOING THE RUMINATION HABIT. Say it with me now!
We’ll cover how to conquer rumination by accepting sunken costs, understanding chance versus failure, focusing on the present, correcting poor self-talk, and taking action in your area of rumination.
Rumination is a desperate, futile attempt to change the past by thinking about it. It’s a form of denial, and acceptance is the antidote.
The fix is to continue to try, practice, and improve, and in time, you’ll see how ridiculous it is to ever ruminate about something that you can fix or try again.
The core solution for rumination is taking action to get your mind to a better place. If it’s unfixable, pursue your interests. If it’s fixable, take action in the exact area you’re tempted to ruminate on. But how can one develop the persistence
This explains why persistence is chance’s best friend, because if you continue to try a chance-based venture, you will probably succeed in time.
What would a statistician tell a wanna-be-published writer to do? Submit your manuscript everywhere, and be aggressive about it. Sure, if it’s terrible, you won’t get anywhere (unless there are vampires in it). But if it’s decent or even masterful, the more you send it out, the better your chances of getting an offer.
When other people are deciding who wins, who gets a raise, or who gets a book published, it’s chance. This perspective puts disappointing chance-based results behind you immediately. (You will have to remind yourself often of this in the beginning.)
Failure is different, and it’s highly useful to us. Failure is what Thomas Edison encountered numerous times before he found the successful formula for the lightbulb. Failure is trying to pursue a goal that’s bigger than your current willpower capacity. Failure is touching a hot stove with your hand and getting burned.
Failure is really nice. I mean it. It’s even more comforting than chance because it’s easier to interpret. What if you touched 10 various surfaces and didn’t know which one burned you? You might be afraid to touch vinyl if that were the case. You know it’s failure when it doesn’t work well in any circumstance.
There can be some overlap between chance and failure, because if you take a chance with the wrong strategy, you’ll probably fail each time. In many cases, it’s hard to know; so if a person turns you down for something, ask why.
Sometimes, people email me asking me for a favor when I’ve never met them. Like many people who receive lots of emails, it’s an instant “no” answer that often gets no response. But if they were to send me an email asking me why I didn’t respond or what they could do to tweak their approach, I’d tell them. People are usually willing to give you honest feedback when you ask for it.
When something is chance based, be stubbornly persistent. There’s no reason to quit a (free) chance-based venture. Ever. It’s irrational to quit unless it costs you something. It’s free to submit guest post articles, ask women to go to dinner with you, apply for dream jobs, or ask your boss for a raise. There can be many upsides if you get positive results, so take action without apologizing. Be the most aggressive person you know!
When something fails, try a different approach.
When you suspect a negative result comes from a combination of chance and failure, be persistent, but try varying strategies to the degree that you think it’s failure.
Instead of writing about what I thought was important, I studied their most popular articles in greater depth, picked a relevant topic that hadn’t been covered, and wrote a post about that. Bingo!
Understanding chance and failure is the key to getting what you want out of life. It protects you from the sting of rejection, implores you to persist, and enables you to adapt to life like a pro.
“Should have” is a phrase of suggestion, and it comes fully loaded with guilt and shame. Ruminators commonly think about what they should have done differently when looking back on an event or sequence of events, often ignoring the positive things they did.
When ruminating, you’re judging yourself for what you did just as you would another person. Even though you’re the same one who took the action, your analytical side can act as if it’s a different (and highly critical) person when you’re ruminating. Ruminators can learn to relate to themselves in a friendlier way, and this starts with improving self-talk.
The Judge
When you begin to ruminate on an event, give yourself 30 seconds to understand why you did what you did. You always act in your perceived best interest. Think about your motives in that moment.
A great substitute for “should have ___” is “could have ___.” This is the phrase of possibility.
I should have danced more = shame on me for not dancing more I could have danced more = I recognize I could have danced more
Ruminators’ big problem is not getting back out there:
some of the solutions to rumination: accepting the past as unchangeable, understanding the not-so-intimidating nature of chance and failure, and creating healthy self-talk.
The Countdown Starter: When the timer runs out, you must start your task immediately.
Put this in your ADHD Toolkit
When you need to get started on a task, but motivation is low and you’re stalling, run a countdown timer.
To combine it with the mini habits strategy, pinpoint the first very small action you...
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For example, if you’re resisting exercise, you can change into gym clothes (or, more specif...
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When you can start “anytime,” you’ll often choose to procrastinate.
The Decision Countdown: You must make a firm decision before the timer runs out!
Use a countdown timer to put gentle pressure on yourself to make a specific decision or a general “I need to do something, but what?” decision. Putting this pressure on yourself and practicing it daily is a great way to improve your decision-making confidence and speed. Pressure is a little bit uncomfortable, but as long as it isn’t overbearing, it is very useful to get us moving!
I’ve found the sweet spot for me to be three- to 10-minute countdowns, depending on the complexity of the decision.
The Focus Timer: For X minutes, you must focus on one task of choice (with strict rules for distractions).
Small concessions spawn distraction just as small forward steps generate productivity.
Don’t move away from your focus area for any reason.
The Pomodoro Technique: Work 25 minutes, rest five minutes. Repeat.
From the Pomodoro website, here is the Pomodoro process35: Decide on the task to be done Set the timer to 25 minutes Work on the task until the timer rings Put a checkmark on paper to signify completion Take a short break (three to five minutes) Every four “pomodoros,” take a longer break (15–30 minutes)
Parkinson’s Law states that work contracts or expands to fill the time you allot for
The Pomodoro technique is based on giving your body and brain short breaks for rest and revitalization purposes (to help you prepare for another session of work). This “carousel” technique is based more on creating a better reward. In theory, this could generate a higher positive neurological association between work and play. The brain always prefers the activities that directly precede rewards (as we know from the science of habit structure).
“People who want the most approval get the least and people who need approval the least get the most.”
You can’t transform your confidence by thinking about it. You have to build it through experience and action.
