One ritual for requesting sex that I find especially effective comes from noted sex therapist Lonnie Barbach. She suggests that couples use a scale from 1 to 9 to indicate how amorous each of them is feeling, with 1 meaning “Not at all amorous,” 5 meaning “I’m convince-able,” and 9 meaning “Let’s do it!” So, if your partner approaches and you’re not in the mood, you can say, “I love you and you are extremely sexy, but right now I’m at 1.” If you’re not sure, you could say, “Right now I’m a 5. So let’s kiss and see where it goes.”
