The Rest of Us Just Live Here

by Patrick Ness

. Can you help me?” “Yes. For now, as a start, I’d like to put you on some medication. Why are you making that face?” “Medication.” “Medication . . . is a failure?” “The biggest one. Like I’m so broken, I need medical help.” “Cancer patients don’t call chemotherapy a failure. Diabetics don’t call insulin a failure.” “This is different and you know it.” “I don’t know it. Why is it different?” “Because it means I’m crazy. Crazy is different.” “Michael, do you think cancer is a moral failing?” “What kind of cancer?” “Don’t play. You know what I mean. Do you think a woman who gets ovarian cancer is morally responsible for it?” “No.” “Do you think a child born with spina bifida or cerebral palsy or muscular dystrophy is at fault for their condition?” “No, but–” “Then why in heaven’s name are you responsible for your anxiety?” “. . . Because . . . What?” “Why are you responsible for your anxiety?” “Because it’s a feeling. Not a tumor.” “Are you sure?” “You think I have a tumor?” “No, no, no, no, no, no. Not what I meant. A feeling is pride in your sister. A feeling is fear at the concert that makes you act. A feeling is embarrassment or shame. A feeling may or may not be true, but you still feel it.” “And anxiety is a tumor on your feelings?” “Feelings don’t try to kill you, even the painful ones. Anxiety is a feeling grown too large. A feeling grown aggressive and dangerous. You’re responsible for its consequences, you’re responsible for treating it. But Michael, you’re not res...