The Duties of Parents: 17 Practical Ways to Successful Parenting

by J.C. Ryle

Self-will is almost the first thing that appears in a child’s mind; and it must be your first step to resist it.

A true Christian must be no slave to fashion, if he would train his child for heaven. He must not be content to do things merely because they are the custom of the world; to teach them and instruct them in certain ways, merely because it is usual; to allow them to read books of a questionable sort, merely because everybody else reads them; to let them form habits of a doubtful tendency, merely because they are the habits of the day. He must train with an eye to his children’s souls.

Children understand far more of the Bible than we are apt to suppose. Tell them of sin, its guilt, its consequences, its power, its vileness: you will find they can comprehend something of this. Tell them of the Lord Jesus Christ, and His work for our salvation,—the atonement, the cross, the blood, the sacrifice, the intercession: you will discover there is something not beyond them in all this. Tell them of the work of the Holy Spirit in man’s heart, how He changes, and renews, and sanctifies, and purifies: you will soon see they can go along with you in some measure in this. In short, I suspect we have no idea how much a little child can take in of the length and breadth of the glorious gospel. They see far more of these things than we suppose.

Prayer was the distinguishing mark of the Lord’s people in the day that there began to be a separation between them and the world. “Then began men to call upon the name of the Lord” (Gen. 4:26).

Prayer is one great secret of spiritual prosperity. When there is much private communion with God, your soul will grow like the grass after rain; when there is little, all will be at a standstill, you will barely keep your soul alive. Show me a growing Christian, a going forward Christian, a strong Christian, a flourishing Christian, and sure am I, he is one that speaks often with his Lord. He asks much, and he has much. He tells Jesus everything, and so he always knows how to act.

Prayer is the mightiest engine God has placed in our hands. It is the best weapon to use in every difficulty, and the surest remedy in every trouble. It is the key that unlocks the treasury of promises, and the hand that draws forth grace and help in time of need. It is the silver trumpet God commands us to sound in all our necessity, and it is the cry He has promised always to attend to, even as a loving mother to the voice of her child.

Parents, if you love your children, do all that lies in your power to train them up to a habit of prayer. Show them how to begin. Tell them what to say. Encourage them to persevere. Remind them if they become careless and slack about it. Let it not be your fault, at any rate, if they never call on the name of the Lord.

Believe me, if you never hear your children pray yourself, you are much to blame.

Tell those who wherever the Lord’s people are gathered together, there the Lord Jesus is present in an especial manner, and that those who absent themselves must expect, like the Apostle Thomas, to miss a blessing. Tell them of the importance of hearing the Word preached, and that it is God’s ordinance for converting, sanctifying, and building up the souls of men. Tell them how the Apostle Paul enjoins us not “to forsake the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is” (Heb. 10:25); but to exhort one another, to stir one another up to it, and so much the more as we see the day approaching.

Or rather, who can tell the misery that unbelief has brought upon the world? Unbelief made Eve eat the forbidden fruit—she doubted the truth of God’s word: “You shall surely die.” Unbelief made the old world reject Noah’s warning, and so perish in sin. Unbelief kept Israel in the wilderness—it was the bar that kept them from entering the promised land. Unbelief made the Jews crucify the Lord of glory—they believed not the voice of Moses and the prophets, though read to them every day. And unbelief is the reigning sin of man’s heart down to this very hour, unbelief in God’s promises, unbelief in God’s threatenings, unbelief in our own sinfulness, unbelief in our own danger—unbelief in everything that runs counter to the pride and worldliness of our evil hearts.

Verily, I believe that idleness has led to more sin than almost any other habit that could be named. I suspect it is the mother of many a work of the flesh,—the mother of adultery, fornication, drunkenness, and many other deeds of darkness that I have not time to name. Let your own conscience say whether I do not speak the truth. You were idle, and at once the devil knocked at the door and came in.

You cannot say that Scripture does not speak expressly on this subject: “He that spares his rod, hates his son; but he that loves him, chastens him betimes” (Prov. 13:24). “Chasten your son while there is hope, and let not your soul spare for his crying” (Prov. 19:18). “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child: but the rod of correction shall drive it from him” (Prov. 22:15). “Withhold not correction from the child, for if you beat him with the rod he shall not die. You shall beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell” (Prov. 23:13, 14). “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself brings his mother to shame.” “Correct your son, and he shall give you rest, yes, he shall give delight to your soul” (Prov. 29:15, 17). How strong and forcible are these texts! How melancholy is

if you do not take trouble with your children when they are young, they will give you trouble when they are old.

He acts as a husbandman pruning his vines, that they may bear more fruit. He knows the character of each of us,—our besetting sins,—our weaknesses,—our peculiar infirmities,—our special needs. He knows our works and where we dwell, who are our companions in life, and what are our trials, what our temptations, and what are our privileges. He knows all these things, and is ever ordering all for our good. He allots to each of us, in His providence, the very things we need, in order to bear the most fruit,—as much of sunshine as we can stand, and as much of rain,—as much of bitter things as we can bear, and as much of sweet.

Fear not to withhold from your child anything you think will do him harm, whatever his own wishes may be. This is God’s plan.

Hesitate not to lay on him commands, of which he may not at present see the wisdom, and to guide him in ways which may not now seem reasonable to his mind. This is God’s plan. Shrink not from chastising and correcting him whenever you see his soul’s health requires it, however painful it may be to your feelings; and remember medicines for the mind must not be rejected because they are bitter. This is God’s plan. And do not be afraid, above all, that such a plan of training will make your child unhappy. I warn you against this delusion. Depend on it, there is no surer road to unhappiness than always having our own way. To have our wills checked and denied is a blessed thing for us; it makes us value enjoyments when they come. To be indulged perpetually is the way to be made selfish; and selfish people and spoiled children, believe me, are seldom happy.

You may not see with your own eyes the result of careful training, but you know not what blessed fruits may not spring from it, long after you are dead and gone. It is not God’s way to give everything at once. “Afterwards’ is the time when He often chooses to work, both in the things of nature and in the things of grace. “Afterward” is the season when affliction bears the peaceable fruit of righteousness (Heb. 12:11). “Afterward” was the time when the son who refused to work in his father’s vineyard repented and went (Matt. 21:29). And “afterward” is the time to which parents must look forward if they see not success at once,—you must sow in hope and plant in hope.

Cast your bread upon the waters,” says the Spirit, “for you shall find it after many days” (Eccles. 11:1). Many children, I doubt not, shall rise up in the day of judgment, and bless their parents for good training, who never gave any signs of having profited by it during their parents’ lives. Go forward then in faith, and be sure that your labor shall not be altogether thrown away. Three times did Elijah stretch himself upon the widow’s child before it revived. Take example from him, and persevere.

The Lord is far more willing to hear than we to pray; far more ready to give blessings than we to ask them;—but He loves to be entreated for them.

I suspect the child of many prayers is seldom cast away.

Parents, if you love your children, go and do likewise. You cannot name their names before the mercy-seat too often.

Fathers and mothers, you may take your children to be baptized, and have them enrolled in the ranks of Christ’s Church;—you may get godly sponsors to answer for them, and help you by their prayers;—you may send them to the best of schools, and give them Bibles and Prayer Books, and fill them with head knowledge but if all this time there is no regular training at home, I tell you plainly, I fear it will go hard in the end with your children’s souls. Home is the place where habits are formed;—home is the place where the foundations of character are laid;—home gives the bias to our tastes, and likings, and opinions. See then, I pray you, that there be careful training at home.