Creatures of a Day: And Other Tales of Psychotherapy

by Irvin D. Yalom

Moreover his dreams were relentlessly self-denigrating: he saw himself with large weeping wounds, cowering in a cellar or cave; he was a low-life, a lout, a criminal, a fake.

Yes, being a self-made person had its good points: self-creation can be powerfully reaffirming. But it is lonely work,

“Let’s investigate your shock,” I suggested. “What are its ingredients?”

I know full well that it is not so much what I say about my thoughts that is important but rather that I am willing to express them.

I thought of the German philosopher, Kant, and how he taught us that the structure of our minds actively influences the nature of the reality we experience.

May I present some of my highlights? I’ve been rehearsing a speech for days.” Concerned that she was about to go on stage and that her presentation might use up all our time, I responded, “Yes, a brief summary would be helpful.”

“Natasha, sorry to interrupt, but I have a dilemma. Believe me, I’m interested in all you have to say, but at the same time, I’ve got to be timekeeper here because we have only these two sessions, and I want, for your sake, to use our time efficiently.”

“All the symptoms you described yesterday – being removed from life, being insulated, not being in your life – all served to anesthetize yourself from the pain inherent in being a living soul.

I’m just siding with the part of you where wisdom dwells.”

In fact, a prominent lack of curiosity is generally a road sign telling a therapist that a patient may be unwilling to explore more deeply.

I’ve observed again and again that the amount of death terror experienced is closely related to the amount of life unlived. And

Now, rather than being rattled by uncertainty, I realize that it is pure hubris to posit specificity. Now, the one thing I’ve come to know with certainty is that if I can create a genuine and caring environment, my patients will find the help they need, often in marvelous ways I could never have predicted or even imagined.

“Giving up the hope for a better past is a potent idea. I’ve uttered it to help many others, and it’s also helped me personally.

the most valuable thing I have to offer is my sheer presence. Just be with her, I thought. Stop trying to think of something wise and clever to say. Let go of the search for some dynamite interpretation that will make all the difference. Your job is simply to offer her your full presence. Trust her to find the things she needs from the session.

As Nietzsche said, “If we have our own ‘why’ of life, we shall get along with any ‘how.’”

All of us are creatures of a day; the rememberer and the remembered alike. All is ephemeral – both memory and the object of memory. The time is at hand when you will have forgotten everything; and the time is at hand when all will have forgotten you. Always reflect that soon you will be no one, and nowhere.

I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others. If any man despises me, that is his problem. My only concern is not doing or saying anything deserving of contempt. Never esteem anything as an advantage to you that will make you break your word or lose your self-respect.

The most important thing I, or any other therapist, can do is offer an authentic healing relationship from which patients can draw whatever they need. We delude ourselves if we think that some specified action, be it an interpretation, suggestion, relabeling, or reassurance, is the healing factor.