Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone

by Mark Goulston

What wise men like Warren Bennis (and no doubt Dale Carnegie) instinctively know, and what “smarter than wise”“ younger, ambitious people like Jim Collins and yours truly are still learning, is that the way to truly win friends and influence the best people is to be more interested in listening to them than you are in impressing them. From a brain science standpoint, here’s why: The more interested you are in another person, the more you narrow the person’s mirror neuron receptor deficit—that biological hunger to have his or her feelings mirrored by the outside world (see Chapter 2). The more you do that, the more grateful the person is toward you in return, and the more empathy the person feels toward you. So to be interesting, forget about being interesting. Instead, be interested.