Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone

by Mark Goulston

1. First, tell the person that you’d like to get together for 10 minutes. Set a time when you can have the person’s undivided attention; if the person wants to meet with you immediately, respectfully say, “No, you’re in the middle of something and it isn’t a life-or-death matter. It’ll wait until you’re not distracted by anything else.” 2. Prepare yourself for the meeting by thinking of three specific, legitimate ways in which the other person may be disappointed or frustrated with you. For instance: Tina thinks I always give her the least interesting projects. She’s probably frustrated because I didn’t give her a big enough budget to get the equipment she’d like. And she’s probably mad because she inherited lots of problems created by the last person in her job, and sometimes I blame her for them. It doesn’t matter how frustrated or disappointed you are; set all of your own issues to one side, and think like the other person. 3. When the time for your meeting arrives, the other person will be expecting you to criticize or be confrontational. Instead, say, “You’re probably waiting for me to lay out a list of complaints, like I usually do. However, I was thinking about the reasons why you might be disappointed in me. You’re probably afraid to tell me about these things, because you figure I’ll get defensive. I think these things are….” Then lay out the three things that you suspect disappoint the person most about you. 4. End with, “Is that true? If not, what are th...