Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone

by Mark Goulston

Remorse: Demonstrate to the other person that you know you caused harm and you are truly sorry. For example: “I know I made you look bad in front of the boss by failing to bring the documentation you needed to make your case for the new computers. It was my fault he turned down your request and everyone has to use the old computers for another year.” When you’re doing this, allow the other person to vent and don’t become defensive even if the person is over the top. When you encourage people who are furious to get their anger off their chests, it speeds the healing process. Restitution: Find some way to make amends, at least partially. For example: “I know the whole team is pissed off about not getting the computers, and they blame you. I’m going to go to each team member and explain that it’s my fault. I can’t undo the damage, but at least I can take the blame off your shoulders.” Rehabilitation: Demonstrate through your actions that you’ve learned your lesson. If a mistake occurred because you didn’t do your job right or you shot off your mouth without thinking, do whatever it takes to avoid making the same mistake in the future. Requesting forgiveness: Don’t do this immediately, because actions speak louder than words. To truly earn forgiveness, you need to sustain your corrective actions until they become part of who you are. At this point—and not before—go back to the person you’ve hurt and say, “Are you able to forgive me for hurting you?”