Armada

by Ernest Cline

If there were other civilizations out there, why would they ever want to make contact with humanity? If this was how we treated each other, how much kindness could we possibly show to some race of bug-eyed beings from beyond?

We were all probably stuck here for the duration, on the third rock from our sun. Boldly going extinct.

STARSHIP CAPTAINS DO IT ON IMPULSE.

‘America. Fuck yeah. Comin’ to save the motherfuckin’ day, yeah!’ ”

‘Oft have I heard that grief softens the mind,’ ” the young woman recited. “ ‘And makes it fearful and degenerate; Think therefore on revenge and cease to weep.’ ”

“The Sodality has been monitoring your species’ radio and television broadcasts for as long as you’ve been transmitting them into space. But we didn’t begin to take a special interest in humanity until 1945, when you created your first nuclear weapon and then used it for warfare against your own kind.

“Your species’ primitive warlike nature made a certain amount of conflict inevitable, as it often does.

Many species lack the ability to defy their own animal instincts and allow their intellect to prevail. Such species are usually declared unfit for survival, much less membership in the Sodality.”

Being human totally sucks most of the time. Videogames are the only thing that make life bearable.