Skullcrack City

by Jeremy Robert Johnson

Hexadrine (aka Hex, Hexadrizzle, Silvertops, Pounder, etc.) is a Street Drug the way getting stabbed in the face is a Street Game or the desiccated body of a plague rat is a Street Snack.

If you want to destroy a wasp nest you approach slowly at the cool of dusk with the right poison in hand. What you don’t do is wait until the hive is wide awake, chug a jar of moonshine until you’re blind, strip naked, cover yourself in alarm pheromones, and bum rush the nest with your bare fists. Doing that kind of thing might create a mess you can’t fix.

instead of “Too Big to Fail”—and its latter sequel “Still Too Big to Fail, Seriously, You’ve Got to Trust Us On This, Guys, Just Roll With It”—

I mistakenly believed that my life had finally reached the peak of Crazy Bullshit Mountain. Hindsight would indicate I’d only just made it to base camp.

Huey’s full body scans were executed by a vintage CorTec Guardian Bot 3.0. Yes, that’s the version which requires you to strip naked. Yes, that’s the version which was reviled by human rights groups and ultimately recalled by the government for its faulty lubricant secretion valve. No, I don’t want to talk about my experience with the CorTec Guardian Bot 3.0.