Dark Days: A Memoir

by D. Randall Blythe

I am grateful for this, because I can see that when put to the test, I had come a long way as a human being since my drinking days; I was not completely consumed by anger, hubris, fear, or self-loathing, which were my normal modes of operation. I can forget sometimes what my mental state used to be like when I was in active alcoholism, and be very hard on myself if I feel I am not living up to what I perceive to be acceptable standards. These ludicrous personal standards (ethical, spiritual, professional, artistic) are far beyond attainable for any human being. They are merely a manifestation of my unreasonable pride; kicking my own ass for failing to achieve perfection (of all the ridiculous things to expect to attain) is just another ego trip I cannot afford. This self-absorbed and self-pitying self-flagellation gets in the way of me being a productive and useful human being. So it is good for me to look honestly at myself and note my progress from time to time. I’m just a man doing the best that I can—I need to remember that, and without becoming boastful or complacent, give myself a freakin’ break every now and then.