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It reminds me of the cruel prince for some reason.
I picture the way he stepped on stage and perched himself on that stool. How he threw his guitar over his shoulder and stated that his song sucked, beaming as he gestured toward his chest, confidently inviting his friends to throw things at him. He sang and his words were beautiful and clear, not broken in any way. Nothing about him was broken.
Trust me she's falling for him.
“Besides,” she continues, “that was a million years ago. We were little kids. I bet he doesn’t even remember us.” I feel a huge, uncomfortable lump in my throat. How could I do that do him? To anyone? “He remembers,” I say under my breath as I walk away.
Biggest. Red. Flag. In. The. Whole. Entire. World.
I’ve been hanging out with Paige after school, taking her to gymnastics practice,
I also do gymnastics
Sue cocks her head to one side, looking smug. I haven’t talked to AJ since I gave him my apology poem and he kicked me out of Poet’s Corner, but I think about that day a lot. I think about him a lot. I changed the route I take to third period so I’m more likely to cross paths with him. I write about him almost every night before I fall asleep. I was up late last night making a playlist of acoustic guitar songs I could imagine him playing and titled it Song for You. I’ve figured out where he lives, but I’ve fought the urge to drive by his house. I know where he eats lunch when he’s not
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“Then this particular mistake has done its job. Forgive yourself and move on,
“We’ve been talking,” she says. “We want you to come back.”
Thankfully!
It takes effort, but I sit up straight and look right at her. “Every last word.”
They actually have the title in the sentence.
That’s when it hits me: this is all a big joke. Payback for what I did to AJ all those years ago. I bet they’ll all have a good laugh about it when AJ finally gets this fucking door open.
Ik for sure it's not that.
He’s not gorgeous or anything, not like Brandon and the rest of my recent crushes. But none of them ever made me feel the way I do right now. Everything about AJ is pulling me in. The way he’s standing, so confident and in control. The way he’s been so relaxed in this room with me today, making me feel like I do belong here. The way I remember him playing that one song, how it practically floated out of his body.
He is a LITERAL GREEN FLAG.
We’re all silent for a minute. No one moves. No one claps. Only a minute ago I was sitting here, planning Chelsea’s makeover, and now I’m staring at her, filled with a strange mix of sadness and jealousy. She had all that? I’m sad for her, but I can’t help but feel a little bit sad for myself, too. I want that. She lost it, but at least she had it.
From the backseat, AJ feeds his arm over her shoulder and she wraps her fingers through his. I look at their hands, intertwined. Of course he has a girlfriend. How could I have missed that? I feel a pang of sadness, but I push the thought away, forcing myself to think of Emily and whatever’s going on in her life so I don’t fixate on anything else. It works.
AJ and Sam better be endgame.
“I shouldn’t have said that to her,” I say, grimacing. “It was probably more bitchy than blurty, wasn’t it?”
Girl, she is a bitch.
“Hmm,” he murmurs. “Maybe we are.”
There’s that dimple again.
It's always the dimple.
He seems even taller now that he’s this close. He looks cute in his button-down shirt. And he smells good, like boy deodorant.
His lips are full and they look like they’d be really soft. I wonder what it would be like to kiss him.
Hate to say it, but gurl it aint gonna happen quite yet. After all, we're only 47% thru.
His words jolt me back to the room and I realize he’s holding up a clipboard bursting with paper, and I’m still standing next to his desk, at least six feet away from him. I cover my mouth and catch my breath, as AJ drags his thumb through the pages. “There’s a lot of crap in here, but the ones on top might actually have potential.”
I knew it was a dream cuz it was basically a repeat of the Brandon moment.
I smile. “We’re friends, huh?” He takes a tiny step toward me. Close but not too close. Friends-close. “Can we be?” he asks.
The classically annoying FRIENDZONE
“I didn’t go there looking for you. I went looking for me.” My voice is soft, low, and shaky. “But now, here you are, and somehow, in finding you, I think I’ve found myself.”
But I’m still not about to tell AJ my secret.
I feel like she should, and the longer she keeps this a secret, the more worse everything will be when he finds out.
whispers. He tips his head down and kisses me, and my lips part for him like they always do. I’ll never get enough of this. I’ll never get tired of kissing him.
This js makes me sad bc ik everything will get worse.
And with this one boy in particular.
This boy is one you NEED to tell the truth to !!
“You guys remember Andrew. From elementary school.” When they shake their heads, she sings that fucking Chia Pet jingle again, and then elbows Alexis. “You remember that kid, don’t you? He stuttered so badly he couldn’t even say his own name.” “Kaitlyn. Stop. Now.” Alexis says it like she’s scolding her. I’ve never heard her speak to Kaitlyn that way. I’ve never heard anyone speak to Kaitlyn that way.
Stfu, Kaitlyn! And thx Alexis, even tho ik ur toxic too.
“You’ve been acting like a totally different person.”
liteerally traitor by Olivia Rodrigo. I thought hailey was genuinely nice but they're all crazy.
And you should but break up with ur toxic "besties".
“No, I’m not mad. And please, don’t tell them about me. Ever.” She leans in closer. “But you should tell AJ.”
rlly bc Cara seems mad
“Wait. Did you just say that Caroline brought you downstairs?” He doesn’t stutter, but his voice shakes and it scares me.
Either Caras dead or imaginary, but HUGE PLOT TWIST!
“Sam.” I hear a strange hitch in his voice when he says my name. “Caroline Madsen committed suicide…in 2007.” I laugh. “Shut up,” I say, but he’s doesn’t look like he’s joking. “So, what? You’re saying I’ve been talking to a ghost?” But as soon as the words leave my mouth, I know deep in my gut that’s not right.
Colleen grabs my arms, pushes me into the chair, and crouches down in front of me. She’s trying to pull my hands away from my face, but I won’t let her. I’m crying hard and only half listening to what she’s saying, but I hear “hospital” and “won’t be back today” and “call her.” Then “wait” and “water” and “don’t move.” When Colleen’s gone, I slide my hands down to my cheeks and look around the room. Two days ago, I sat here and told Sue I was better. I was better. I know I was. But then I remember Alexis’s words, “You’ve changed…and it’s not for the better, sweetie.” What’s happening to me?
Hailey understands what I’m really asking, and I know the answer before she even says a word; I can tell by the way she bites her bottom lip and shuffles her foot on the carpet. She’s not here as the group’s representative. “Just me.” She glances around my room. “I’m so sorry. You stood up for me and I didn’t do the same for you. Twice.” “It’s okay.”
“Hailey.” I hug her. She squeezes my shoulders so hard, it’s like she’s being pulled underwater and I’m the only thing she has to keep her afloat. “I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. But if I do leave, you can always come with me.” She pulls away, shaking her head. “I’m not sure I could do that.” I know what she’s thinking. Leaving the Eights changes everything. No more lunches. No more concerts. No more sleepovers or parties. We wouldn’t be included in Kaitlyn’s grand plans for Junior Prom, or invited to stay at the hotel in the city afterward. The rest of our high school experience would
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But it would be worth itto get rid of those toxic bitches
so funny after all this reality shit and whatnot.
“Look, I want you to know everything,” I say, “but…it’s hard for me. I’ve never told anyone but Caro—” It starts to slip off my lips and it’s too late to take it back. I hope he didn’t hear me. But he did. It’s all over his face.
The article I read last Friday night flashes in my mind. “She loved writing poetry,” the quote from Caroline’s mom had said. Caroline was a Poet.
Caroline Madsen started Poet’s Corner.
That's great
It’s called “Every Last Word.” I read to myself this time. These walls heard me when no one else could. They gave my words a home, kept them safe. Cheered, cried, listened. Changed my life for the better. It wasn’t enough. But they heard every last word.
I feel this one's very important as it's the book's title
It’s called “Every Last Word.” I read to myself this time. These walls heard me when no one else could. They gave my words a home, kept them safe. Cheered, cried, listened. Changed my life for the better. It wasn’t enough. But they heard every last word.
Her suicide is deeply saddening, and so were her struggles.
And before I know it, I’ve filled the page with a poem for Caroline. It voices what she means to me and how much I miss her and why this room of hers matters, not just to me but to everyone who’s ever found it. And, while it doesn’t say it in so many words, it’s also a poem for my new friends, promising that from now on I’ll be a lot braver with my words than I was before.
I'm thankful she's taken this great initiative.
“For a long time, my friendship with the Eights has been…challenging for me. So when school started, Sue and I decided to channel my energy into positive things, like my swimming,” I say. “That’s been good. Then I met Caroline, and that was really good. And then I found Poet’s Corner, and started writing poetry, and met a bunch of amazing people, and then there was you. And I felt healthy for the first time in years. I thought I was getting better. But as it turns out, I was getting worse.”
“Caroline was my friend,” I say as the tears slide down my cheeks. “And now she’s gone and I can’t quite decide how I’m supposed to feel about that. I’m embarrassed that I made her up in the first place, but I’m also so sad that she’s not part of my life anymore.”
Idk why but I empathize with Sam.
“But when I was downstairs this afternoon, I realized something: I don’t regret bringing her to life. Not even for a second. Because she’s this better part of me, you know? She speaks her mind and she doesn’t care what people think about her. I’ve always been too scared to be that person, but that’s who I want to be, all the time, not only when I’m alone with you, and not just on Monday and Thursday afternoons during lunch.”
He laughs. “I made you feel normal? You do realize I’m pretty far from normal, right?”
Ik they'll be ok.
pg 333
Wondering if I could pay it forward.
Sam's a hero
Back on stage, Sydney clears her throat dramatically. “Most of you have already heard this tasty treat, but since some of you missed it because you were dealing with ‘car trouble,’” she says with air quotes, locking eyes with AJ, then with me. “I thought I’d read it again.”
She's hilarious
What I said last week wasn’t funny. I was out of line and I’m sorry. I hope you’ll accept my apology, Sam.”
I hope this is true
“I’ll see you guys later.” I walk through the cafeteria doors, leaving my friends behind. Feeling all the pain of letting them go. And knowing I did the right thing.
What abt Hailey ?!
“Summer Sam was always…” I pause, searching for the right word, and settle on: “Temporary. But this feels pretty permanent.”
I glance over at the spot where I used to sit. Alexis, Kaitlyn, Olivia, and Hailey are all where they belong, eating and chatting as usual. We haven’t said much to each other in the last month, but they all look happy, even Hailey.
Once again: WHAT ABT HAILEY ????!!!!!
