Fish In A Tree

by Lynda Mullaly Hunt

Seven schools in seven years and they’re all the same. Whenever I do my best, they tell me I don’t try hard enough.

I should be used to this, but it still takes a piece out of me every time.

No matter how many times I have prayed and worked and hoped, reading for me is still like trying to make sense of a can of alphabet soup that’s been dumped on a plate. I just don’t know how other people do it.

Sketchbook of Impossible Things. It’s the only thing that makes me feel like I’m not a waste of space.

And then I decide that the craziest, strangest, most unbelievable thing I could ever draw is me doing something right.

Alice in Wonderland—a book about living in a world where nothing makes sense made perfect sense to me.

“I just want you to know that I’m going to try really hard not to send you to the office. If we have something to deal with, you and I will deal with it together.” He winks. “What happens in room 206 stays in room 206.”

“I’m on your side, okay? I want to help you.”

I think of how when Dad left, he said that when we look at the steel pennies, we need to remember that we are unique, too. And

Most teachers seem to like their students to be all the same—perfect and quiet. Mr. Daniels actually seems to like that we’re different.

I can’t help thinking about the girl on the train and how she feels—like she wants to do so much but she’s held back, and it makes her feel heavy and angry. Like she’s dragging a concrete block around all of the time. I’d like to help her break free from that.

He comes over and does something a teacher has never done even once in my whole life. He high-fives me.

An older brother is older. A big brother looks out for you and smiles when you walk into a room.”

“But being lonely is never a choice. It’s not about who is with you or not. You can feel lonely when you’re alone, but the worst kind of lonely is when you’re in a room full of people, but you’re still alone. Or you feel like you are, anyway.”

I look over at Keisha and Albert and realize that I have been. I’ve been lucky all along but didn’t see it.

‘Everyone is smart in different ways. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life thinking that it’s stupid.’”

“Do like Mr. Daniels says. Be yourself. Be who you are.”

“I . . . believe in you, Ally. Now, forget what you wrote. Put the paper down and take a deep breath. Close your eyes if it makes you nervous to see everyone and just be honest. Be . . . you.”

“Mom! They voted me class president. The kids in my class! Not the teacher. The kids did!” She holds her arms out and I run into them. “I’m so proud of you,” she says in a shaky voice.

. I’ve become a pachyderm.”

I remember how it felt to be alone in a room full of people, so I take a deep breath and head over.

Albert—peace-loving, I-will-never-stoop-to-their-level Albert—pulls the boy away from Keisha. He turns him around and holds him by the front of his coat. The boy’s toes barely touch the ground. “You do not touch her again,” Albert says with a voice I didn’t think he had.

I’ve never seen Albert mad before.

“Sticking up for friends against guys that have used you as a punching bag for months. You whaled on them, didn’t you, Albert? You should get a medal or something.”

“You are one good friend, Albert.”

I’m proud of all the strides you’re making. All the hard work you’re doing.

my big brother, who has stood by me and helped me always. Who’s believed in me no matter what I said.

Things are going to be different. It’s like birds can swim and fish can fly. Impossible to possible.