This is the dark side of pairing stress and attachment: the “I am lost” feeling, which motivates us to stabilize our connection with our attachment object—“I am home.” Therapist and author Sue Johnson calls this “solace sex,” sex that’s motivated by your desire to prove that you are loved.21
So much solace sex is misinterpreted by partners as being intense desire for intimacy, when it is really intense fear of being lost.
