Out of Sorts: Making Peace with an Evolving Faith

by Sarah Bessey

I hate conflict. I am a conflict avoider. I tend to confuse the absence of conflict with peace. But now I’ve learned that peacemaking often involves a bit of healthy conflict: we’re not called to be peacekeepers but peacemakers. A while ago, I was a pretty terrible friend to someone I love very much. When I was finally called out for it, I was defensive, and an argument ensued. I reacted like a wounded animal when I was the one who had wounded my friend: it was my fault. Perhaps that’s why I freaked out so thoroughly; I felt guilty and knew my friend was right. The snot was flying and nearly an hour later, I was repenting and sobbing with remorse. My friend and I followed the argument all the way down to redemption and forgiveness, and we emerged battle-worn and exhausted—and reconciled. It was a holy moment in our friendship. Real life is the undignified life, and it is the classroom for holiness. If you can’t find God while you’re changing diapers or serving food or hanging out with your friends, you won’t find God at the worship service or the spiritual retreat or the regimented daily quiet time or the mission field. If you can’t embrace healthy conflict, you’ll never have a truly honest friendship.