Rare is the person who reaches this level, where autonomy and intimacy are now not in conflict but are equally satisfying. There’s no tension between the two. Emotions don’t escalate when decisions are made about doing things together because there’s neither projection nor inner conflict. You’re able to express a need for separateness with love and affection instead of blame or guilt. You don’t feel rejected when left because you’re more whole and autonomous. You don’t take your partner’s need for autonomy personally. You accept that he or she is a separate person with different needs. In
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