In research terms, we think about blame as a form of anger used to discharge discomfort or pain. The shame-blame combo is so common because we’re desperate to get out from underneath the pain of shame, and we see blame as a quick fix. If, for example, I suddenly realize that I missed an important conference call earlier, sometimes in a split second I’m discharging that frustration by yelling at my child or my student or my employee. I always say, “When we’re in shame, we’re not fit for human consumption. And we’re especially dangerous around people over whom we have some power.”
