Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution.

by Brené Brown

Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.

You give up a lot when you venture into an environment that you can’t control and where your senses don’t serve you in dependable ways. Hunter S. Thompson wrote, “Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top.”

This is why I hate the ocean.

When you judge yourself for needing help, you judge those you are helping. When you attach value to giving help, you attach value to needing help. • The danger of tying your self-worth to being a helper is feeling shame when you have to ask for help. • Offering help is courageous and compassionate, but so is asking for help.

There’s a huge difference between I screwed up (guilt) and I am a screwup (shame). The former is acceptance of our imperfect humanity. The latter is basically an indictment of our very existence.

Boundaries—You respect my boundaries, and when you’re not clear about what’s okay and not okay, you ask. You’re willing to say no. Reliability—You do what you say you’ll do. At work, this means staying aware of your competencies and limitations so you don’t overpromise and are able to deliver on commitments and balance competing priorities. Accountability—You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends. Vault—You don’t share information or experiences that are not yours to share. I need to know that my confidences are kept, and that you’re not sharing with me any information about other people that should be confidential. Integrity—You choose courage over comfort. You choose what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy. And you choose to practice your values rather than simply professing them. Nonjudgment—I can ask for what I need, and you can ask for what you need. We can talk about how we feel without judgment. Generosity—You extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words, and actions of others.