Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts

by Susan Cain

Being an introvert is about having a deep inner life, and considering that inner life to be important.

Just like introversion, shyness has its advantages. Studies show that shy kids tend to have loyal friendships, and to be conscientious, empathetic, and creative. Both shy and introverted people make great listeners. And it’s through listening that we tend to be good at observing, learning, and maturing.

Validation from those around you—online or in person—feels good, but the most important validation comes from your very own self.

Introverts’ nervous systems react more intensely than extroverts’ to social situations as well as to sensory experiences. Extroverts’ nervous systems don’t react as much, which means that they crave stimulation, such as brighter lights and louder sounds, to feel alive. When they’re not getting enough stimulation, they may start to feel bored and antsy. They naturally prefer a more gregarious, or chatty, style of socializing. They need to be around people, and they thrive on the energy of crowds.

Don’t let anyone tell you that introverts are antisocial—we are just differently social.

I decided that I wasn’t going to have the largest number of friendships, but I was going to have plenty of deep and excellent ones.

Fear is a powerful enemy, but passion is an even stronger friend.

Some of the comments above have to do with perfectionism, which many introverts suffer from and which is a double-edged sword: It keeps your work at a high quality, but often prevents you from getting your ideas out there at all, since pretty much nothing anyone does or says is ever perfect.

The most effective leaders are not motivated by a desire to control events or to be in the spotlight. They are motivated by the desire to advance ideas and new ways of looking at the world, or to improve the situation of a group of people. These motivations belong to introverts and extroverts alike.

If you don’t think you excel in large groups or at the podium, build your alliances slowly and steadily, one empathetic conversation at a time.

Generous leaders make sure that others have a sense of purpose, by giving them key roles and by soliciting their opinions and acting on them when they make sense.

School can feel like a fishbowl—it seems like everything you do is on display for others to see, to judge, and maybe even to criticize.

Relational aggression is particularly powerful when used against quiet kids, both boys and girls. Often, introverted kids worry that they won’t be able to make new friends, so they hold on to abusive relationships as long as possible. They often remain in confidence-shattering cliques out of fear of the unknown, reasoning that a bad friend is better than no friend at all.

Walking away from mean or bullying friends takes a tremendous amount of guts—but believe me, you are capable of it.

“Don’t fake being an extrovert to gain friends,”

“One good friend is so much better than a lot of acquaintances. Even if that means sometimes you’re alone, it’s better than having to be fake around people.”

A friend is someone he’d be able to share his failures and disappointments with, not just his triumphs and best jokes.

‘You cannot let fear become a thief. It will steal so many precious things and rob you of so many incredible moments.’”

Developing and cultivating enthusiasms can be the work of a lifetime, but it’s well worth the wait.

if you have one true friend, you’re luckier than anyone else in the world, because it’s so hard to have a true friendship,”