Heart Of A Goon

by Jahquel J.

I’m on you real bad. You ain’t never had a real nigga come and break down those walls. By the time I’m done with you, you gonna have those walls broken down with a stomach full of me, and a ring on that finger… have fun tonight, baby.”

I was drawn to her like a bee to pollen, a moth to a flame, a fuck to you mean.

She had to pick up the pieces and try to be whole in a world that left her in pieces. Any woman that couldn’t sympathize with that was a no limit solider, and as strong as Benzino’s neck.

This money I was stacking was for her, and her only. I wanted her to spend my money like it was running away from her. Spoil her because that shit hit different when it came from a nigga that was filling you up with dick. Filling her pockets and womb was my only agenda. If Allah granted it, then we would have a beautiful home with my moms living with us. Helping us to raise our kids, while she continued to break necks in the courtroom. I never wanted to change the woman that she was. Just heal her.

“Now I’m a big fat rude bitch… it really gets to a point, Landon.”

“I wanna love the shit out of her, Mens. Show her that all that weak shit she used to settle for was beneath her. I wanna put her so high up, niggas gotta break their necks just to look at her. To me, she’s untouchable. Unreachable. I want to give her the world, nigga. Spoil her, protect her, and let her know I’m not one of those from her past. Difference between them and me, I’m not allowing her to run me off because of fear. At the end of this, I wanna see you walk her down the aisle to me.”

I wanted to protect her heart and make her into the woman I knew she wanted to be. No matter how much she claimed that independent woman role, every independent woman wanted to be babied. She wanted to have someone to lead her.

Women were already not protected. Let me say that again… Black women were already not protected. They went through this fucked up world having to be targets, and having people make think pieces about them. If they were great, they weren’t great enough. If they accomplished something amazing, then the focus was shifted to their humble beginnings instead of the accomplishment.

So, when things were good, I had that small voice in the back of my brain telling me to fuck things up before they could go wrong.

After dinner, we walked along Bourne Square holding hands. It was sweet, because whenever we held hands, my brain shut off. I wasn’t looking around or caring about my safety. Feeling Goo’s hand tightly hold mine, pulling me in front of him whenever the sidewalk became slimmer, and people were on the other side.