The Door

by Magda Szabó

Thus far I have lived my life with courage, and I hope to die that way, bravely and without lies. But for that to be, I must speak out. I killed Emerence. The fact that I was trying to save her rather than destroy her changes nothing.

for where has the river wandered whose waters carried away the shards of my early life?

She was saving her strength for the time when she might actually do something about the past, though I would not understand what this meant until much later.