Faking All the Way

by Nikki Lawson

“Any man who can’t see how perfect you are exactly as you are doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air as you.”

YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH. The words hit me right in the chest. Right where it hurts most. He flips to the next one without pausing. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL. Then another. YOU’RE SO FUCKING TALENTED. Another. YOU BELONG IN MY WORLD. And another. YOU’VE BECOME MY WHOLE WORLD.

I SAID I DIDN’T EVER WANT TO FALL IN LOVE AGAIN, BUT I WAS WRONG. A little smile tugs at his lips across the distance, something shifting in his expression. Something soft and hopeful that I can see even from here. He flips to a new sign. I STARTED FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU THE FIRST DAY I MET YOU… He lets that one sink in before showing the next. AND NOW I CAN’T STOP.

I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO ANYTHING BUT LOVE YOU.

He flips another sign, and this one makes fresh tears spill over. I DON’T WANT THIS TO BE FAKE ANYMORE. Then another, his movements getting faster now. More urgent. I WANT IT TO BE FOREVER. Another. I WANT TO BUILD A LIFE WITH YOU.

I WANTED DENVER. I WANTED THIS CONTRACT. I hold my breath, waiting. Not understanding where he’s going with this. Then he shows the next sign, and my heart stops. BUT I WANT YOU MORE. He holds that sign up for several long beats, as if willing me to believe it. To accept the truth of what he’s saying. I read it once, then again. Then a third time, trying to make my brain accept what my eyes are seeing as tears stream down my cheeks, hot against my skin. Then he flips over another sign, his movements deliberate. IF YOU DON’T THINK THERE’S ROOM IN THAT LIFE FOR YOU, WE’LL BUILD A DIFFERENT LIFE. He flips between signs again, holding the next one up even higher, making sure I can see it clearly. I’LL GIVE UP THE CONTRACT. PLEASE JUST GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE.

“You can’t do it!” I blurt out, my voice cracking with emotion. “You can’t give up your dream, Asher. I won’t let you.” He swallows, his Adam’s apple moving up and down, and this close, I can see the shadow of stubble on his jaw. “Why not?” Before I can stop to consider it, the truth bursts out. No filter, no planning—just the words I’ve been holding back for days, too scared to say even to myself. “Because I love you too much to let you sacrifice everything for me.”