Faking All the Way

by Nikki Lawson

but then his arms come up too, encircling me with measured precision as if he’s handling some unpredictable feral animal. Which, to be fair, isn’t far from the truth in this moment.

I like my fake boyfriend. Maybe I’ll fake marry him someday and have fake babies.

“Any man who can’t see how perfect you are exactly as you are doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air as you.”

“Absolutely fucking not. There’s nothing boring about you. And any man worth having would spend hours figuring out exactly what makes you fall apart. He’d make it his mission to learn every sound you make, every way to touch you that drives you crazy.”

I set my coffee down with a dull thunk and look right at him. “That’s probably because she was faking it with you.”

“It’s hard to let go of the things that have been part of us for so long. They start to define us and become part of our identity. But maybe they don’t have to.”

“If things were real between us, bright eyes,” he finally says, his voice barely above a whisper but somehow filling the entire car, “you’d never have to fake anything. You’d scream louder than you did last night, and it would all be real. Every sound, every breath, every fucking second of it.”

“You’re wrong about that. I’m not planning to be a gentleman with you at all, bright eyes. In fact, I’ve been having very ungentlemanly thoughts about you for days.”

“Thank you,” I whisper, my throat feeling tight. “For what?” “For making me feel like my feelings matter. Like I matter.” “You do matter.” He brushes his thumb over my cheekbone. “Your feelings, your comfort, your happiness—they all matter. They always will. And you should never have to thank someone for treating you well. That should be the bare minimum.”

he holds up a piece of white cardboard with thick black lettering, big enough for me to read from here. My breath catches in my throat as I read it. I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

ALEXIS IS A LIAR.

YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH.

YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL. Then another. YOU’RE SO FUCKING TALENTED. Another. YOU BELONG IN MY WORLD. And another. YOU’VE BECOME MY WHOLE WORLD.

SAID I DIDN’T EVER WANT TO FALL IN LOVE AGAIN, BUT I WAS WRONG.

I STARTED FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU THE FIRST DAY I MET YOU…

AND NOW I CAN’T STOP.

I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO ANYTHING BUT LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOUR ART. I LOVE YOUR DREAMS. I LOVE YOUR SMILE.

I DON’T WANT THIS TO BE FAKE ANYMORE.

I WANT IT TO BE FOREVER. Another. I WANT TO BUILD A LIFE WITH YOU.

I WANTED DENVER. I WANTED THIS CONTRACT.

BUT I WANT YOU MORE.

IF YOU DON’T THINK THERE’S ROOM IN THAT LIFE FOR YOU, WE’LL BUILD A DIFFERENT LIFE.

I’LL GIVE UP THE CONTRACT. PLEASE JUST GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE.

“You can’t do it!” I blurt out, my voice cracking with emotion. “You can’t give up your dream, Asher. I won’t let you.”

“Why not?”

“Because I love you too much to let you sacrifice everything for me.”

As if something magnetic was pulling me toward her, giving me no choice but to go to her. She loves me. She actually said it.

“I love you too, bright eyes,” I rasp, my voice hoarse. “So fucking much.”

“I love you so much I can’t even remember what life was like before you,” I confess, the words pouring out. “I started falling from the very first moment at the airport. When you were panicked but brave enough to drag a stranger into some crazy scheme.

“I missed this so much. Missed you. Missed touching you, tasting you, hearing these sounds you make.”

hold her gaze as I repeat, “I love you.” She moans softly, nodding. “I love you too.”

“You’re my home too, bright eyes,” I whisper into our kiss. “Forever.”

“I love your stubborn independence and your incredible talent,” he continues, his voice thick with emotion. “I love the way you see beauty in everything, the way you make me want to be better. I love that you took a chance on us when it would have been safer to walk away. Will you marry m⁠—?”