An Absolutely Remarkable Thing (The Carls, #1)

by Hank Green

Here are some tips if you too enjoy completely isolating yourself from the love of other humans because of deep, subconscious fears that you are unable to recognize even exist. If someone you regularly hook up with serves up an overly familiar pet name, double down on your return. Example: “Could you pass me the remote, baby?” “Yeah, here you go . . . pookie patchoopie.” When conversations head in directions that might result in your relationship being defined as a “relationship,” completely disregard all societal rules of conversation. Example: “Have you ever felt like this is . . . going somewhere?” “I wanna be the very best like no one ever was.” “Are you singing the Pokémon theme song?” Be prepared, at a moment’s notice, to mercilessly and cruelly distance yourself from people who you care about and need more than oxygen. Example: “So, April, my mom is going to come visit.” “Cool.” “Do you think you should, like, meet her?” “I live here, don’t I?”