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Indeed, she cannot be aware of how deeply humiliated, despised, and devalued her child feels, if she herself has never consciously suffered these feelings, and if she tries to fend them off with irony.
Often a child’s very gifts (his great intensity of feeling, depth of experience, curiosity, intelligence, quickness—and his ability to be critical) will confront his parents with conflicts that they have long sought to keep at bay by means of rules and regulations.
tragic and painful state of being separated from his true self,
depression.
that we have absorbed through our parents’ eyes.
No amount of reading or learning can free us from those eyes.
the function all expressions of contempt have in common is the defense against unwanted feelings.
Contempt simply evaporates, having lost its point, when it is no longer useful as a shield—against the child’s shame over his desperate, unreturned love; against his feeling of inadequacy; or above all against his rage that his parents were not available.
They do not know it and perhaps do not intend it, but this is what they radiate: the attitude of their parents, of which they have never been aware.
every form of indoctrination denies her autonomy),
Finally, a person who has consciously worked through the whole tragedy of her own fate will recognize another’s suffering more clearly, though the other may be trying to hide it. She will not be scornful of others’ feelings, whatever their nature, because she takes her own feelings seriously and knows how to work with them. She surely will not keep the vicious circle of contempt turning.
There is no point in appealing to our goodwill, our kindness, and a common spirit of love, as long as the path to clarifying our feelings is blocked by the unconscious fear of our parents.
Consciously experiencing our legitimate emotions is liberating, not just because of the discharge of long-held tensions in the body but above all because it opens our eyes to reality (both past and present) and frees us of lies and illusions.
Repressed emotion can be resolved as soon as it is felt, understood, and recognized as legitimate.
Individuals who do not want to know their own truth collude in denial with society as a whole, looking for a common “enemy” on whom to act out their repressed rage.
incapable of understanding why earlier generations had to build up a gigantic war industry in order to feel at ease and safe in this world.
