The Fall

by Tal Bauer

If time is circling, let me stay inside the spiral. Let this moment loop and fold over itself, soft as breath. Let me drift in the blue-lit hush with Blair’s lips dropping soft kisses on my skin.

“I’ve never thought that far ahead.” “You’re not one of those guys who’s got a plan for life after the game?” “Not really.” My gaze finds Blair’s across the table. He’s listening to Axel, but his attention curves toward me. “I think life is pretty awesome right now.” That’s an understatement so vast it is a lie, and Hayes knows. His gaze ping-pongs between me and Blair, softer this time. “Yeah?” “Yeah, I think I want everything I’ve got. Forever.”

“What am I missing down there?” Blair leans in, voice low enough to raise goosebumps. Everything, I want to say. You’re missing how I dream about you in places we’ve never been, how sometimes I wake up and am afraid you’ll be gone like you vanished once before, like you were never real at all. Loving you feels like remembering something I’m not supposed to.

No. I won’t give up, or give in. I love him for a million tiny reasons, all of them adding up and up to infinitely greater than the sum of each part and piece. I have mapped him with my kisses and my touch, crawled inside his quiet, tender places, and worshipped at the fault lines of his soul. His wounds speak to mine, and mine turn soft in his hands.

Blair, if wishes live anywhere, let them find you.

His lips part on a soundless exhale that ghosts across my mouth. If we stay perfectly still, if we don’t move or breathe or blink, maybe the universe will forget to tear us apart again.

I loved him once without knowing why. I love him now knowing everything. I’ll love him always, even when time steals him away again.

I would rewrite the stars for you. I would tear the universe apart to keep you safe.

It was always going to end this way, always in dark water, remembering your mouth and the taste of salt on your skin. I love you⁠— Time breathes out.

haven’t been the father you needed, Torey, but I have never, not for one second, ever stopped loving you. There’s nothing that could ever make me stop loving you. Not how you play, or whether you play, or who you love. Nothing.”

“Say it again,” he whispers against my skin. “I’ll keep you. Today, tomorrow, always.”

All our tomorrows are stacked up like cards, waiting for me to claim them.

“There’s no such thing as small victories anymore. Only victories.”

You make me brave enough to be vulnerable.” “We make each other brave,”

You came back to me twice. Once from a future that couldn’t hold us, once from the edge of leaving me behind. We have faced the worst together and we survived. You are the bravest person I’ve ever known.

“Will you marry me?” “Yes,” I say. “Yes, Blair. Yes.” My words spill from me in a rush, my voice breaking on each because one “yes” is never enough.

Time brings us where we’re meant to be, and I’m exactly where I belong.

Some might call it fate. Others might say coincidence. I call it ours.