The Master of Disguise (Star Wars: Jedi Quest, #4)

by Jude Watson

He would be glad when this mission was over and he was back in space again, shooting past bright stars.

There’s not much to a life, when you think about it, Anakin considered. As a boy on Tatooine he had longed for nice things, expensive things, for his mother.

Anakin reached out to the Force. It always took him just a beat slower than Obi-Wan to feel it. The Living Force was here.

Anakin did not give another second of thought to the numbers against them. He focused so completely on the battle that everything else fell away but the movement of his lightsaber and his attention to where the blaster fire would strike next.

Get in and get out. That was the goal of a rescue mission. It never, in Obi-Wan’s experience, worked out that way.

He knew it had affected his Padawan. Anakin was sensitive to the dark side of the Force. He felt it sooner and deeper than Obi-Wan had at his age.

As usual, his Padawan had thought that he was faster, stronger, than anyone else. The problem was that it was often true. But not always.

Obi-Wan had never seen Soara look so uncertain. If his Padawan had been lying so still and pale, he would have felt the same way.

Anakin took a step toward him. “Do you need me, Master?” “No.” Obi-Wan hurried away. He regretted the brusqueness of his answer immediately, but he would work quicker alone.

why did this make me want to throw up

It seemed such a short time ago that a world such as Haariden would respect the Jedi, or at least fear the Senate enough not to attack a rescue mission. Had the Senate’s power eroded this far? Had the galaxy ceased to respect the Jedi as well?

well...

“Too great a risk, I fear,” Obi-Wan said.

extremely obiwan ism sentence here. he is such an "i fear" user

Obi-Wan felt exasperated. Anakin’s reaction seemed that of a boy, anxious to be in on the action. It wasn’t worthy of his Padawan.

“But you might need me,” Anakin said.

them 24/7

“I would not fail you this time,” Anakin promised.

-____-

Obi-Wan saw it then, the hunger on Anakin’s face. It was not a hunger for action. It was the need to redeem himself.

Obi-Wan hesitated. Now he could feel the shame behind Anakin’s questions. His Padawan’s feelings ran deep. His shame was filling him now, and he thought that only action could relieve it.

💔

He knew that his Padawan needed him. Yet he had to go. He struggled for words to leave behind, but he had none. The only thing left to do was walk away.

oh.. that's them... yea that's them . . . .

Anakin watched his Master walk away from him. There was no doubt or hesitation in how Obi-Wan moved. Ever. Anakin wanted to move through his own life with the same assurance. Yet time and again he found himself confronting miscalculation and error. Time and again he moved when he shouldn’t have moved, said what he shouldn’t have said, or turned when he should have stayed still.

god these dumb little books give me so much THANK YOU for constantly pondering them as characters and their relationship like exactly exactlyyy you get it you understand them...

It was times like this when his connection to the Force felt like a burden more than a gift. It pulsed around him so strongly and he could feel it so easily that he used it to act instead of to strategize.

The constellations were not familiar to him and made him feel even farther away from home.

:(

Sometimes the Force made him feel…lonely.

But all the voices together filled up the space in his head and drowned out his own voice, his own feelings. So he would not have to think, only concentrate.

the noise in anakins head etc etc

His Master could move without making the smallest sound, but Anakin wanted to reach the point where he always knew when Obi-Wan entered the room. He wasn’t there yet.

oh and you will

Yet there are things you need to learn. Things that I have not been able to teach you.” “There is nothing you can’t teach me, Master,” Anakin argued.

💔💔 obiwan you doubted yourself you were too close too attached you could have done it if you hadn't been blinded by affection and yet trying to constantly pull yourself away...

Anakin fought with his feelings. He did not want to confess to his Master that he was afraid Obi-Wan would leave him.

AAAGGHHHHH

The stern lines of Obi-Wan’s face relaxed into a smile at Anakin’s obedient tone. “You might have fun.” Anakin looked at him with such disbelief that Obi-Wan’s smile turned into a laugh.

every single scene of smiles and laughter between them is a violent shot to the heart i just want them to be happy

You must fight without anger, without fear, without rage. Without ego.”

You think you’re a better fighter than your friends. You think you’re faster. You think you need to go easy on them. Let me tell you something. You’re not better. As a matter of fact, you’re a good deal worse.”

“That is what is wrong. You don’t know what you did. Didn’t you feel your anger, Anakin? Didn’t you realize it was fueling the battle?”

That is the lesson you must learn. You will feel the emotion. You must let it go.”

He had made a mistake. Soara should have understood that. He was a Padawan, not a Jedi. Of course he would make mistakes. It wasn’t fair.

She said she had her doubts that he would make a great Jedi. Yet she had seen the potential for it. He would surprise her. He would surprise them all.

It was a different place than he had known. Yet he continued to serve it. He did not think it was possible to have peace in the galaxy without it.

Obi-Wan was glad to note that Sano Sauro’s words had not made even the slightest impression on him. He did not feel stung. He did not care what such a man thought of him. The opinion of a cruel man was worth less than nothing.

obiwan 🫶

“What is the Force for, if not to protect what you have? Why should you give that up because you are a Jedi? The Force can bring you all the power you need. Yet the Jedi tell you that you must have nothing. Why is that?”

in a way he's right 💔💔

“We serve justice.” “Whose?” “Justice does not have a master.” “Shouldn’t it?”

like ok Literature

“You’re different because you didn’t grow up in that Temple. You know how power works because you were ground down beneath it. You know how the powerless have only their dignity to comfort them, and how, some days, that is not enough. Not nearly enough.”

:(

The gentleness in his Master’s tone undid Anakin’s reserve.

obiwan + gentle never fails to undo me i fear. he cares so much he really does he just thinks he shouldn't show it 💔💔

Obi-Wan’s face was dark with anger. Anakin watched, fascinated, as his Master absorbed his anger and then released it.

His Master said nothing, but closed his eyes for a moment. “I wish I hadn’t seen that,” Anakin said. Obi-Wan opened his eyes. “Such is the life of a Jedi.”