My Boyfriends Are All Monsters

by Kimberly Lemming

“I wish to be loved no matter what. The cheesy, happy kind of love that you see in those Hallmark movies 8where everyone and their mother is contractually obligated to own a bakery or a golden retriever. And none of the men have girl best friends that so obviously want to fuck them!”

her wish in return for the sweet offering of her blood and her token. Anything for my newest acolyte. No. Anything for my Priestess.

I was not particularly superstitious, but a raven standing in the middle of the trail, staring a bitch down, did not seem like the best omen. “Can I help you?” Caw. “I don’t . . . I don’t know what to do with that information.”

“This is what I get for taking my Black ass out in nature. This fresh air is an attack. I could have been home with a margarita, watching Love Is Blind. That’s it; I’m swearing off men. Dating is the evil of this world, and I will find a convent to become a fucking nun.”

“Ese pinche cabrón te dejó perdida y ¿para qué? ¿Para qué todavía quieras quedarte con él? No mames, con tus pendejadas.”

“I want that too. But more than that, I don’t want to let you go. I want to touch you, taste and savor all that you are until my name cries from your lips like a prayer. Tell me your desires and I’ll craft a life so beautiful you’ll wake each morning with a smile on your face.”

“Let me snag the Kindle from my bag. I’m sure I could pick out a few more.”

“There’s three of you, aren’t there? Why choose?” “I’ll try to be gentle.” “Literally nobody told you to do that.”