My Boyfriends Are All Monsters

by Kimberly Lemming

If I had a mouth of my own, I would have begged her not to go.

“This is what I get for taking my Black ass out in nature. This fresh air is an attack. I could have been home with a margarita, watching Love Is Blind. That’s it; I’m swearing off men. Dating is the evil of this world, and I will find a convent to become a fucking nun.”

I realized with no small shame that I couldn’t remember the last time a man had looked at me like that. A sad thought, when considering I had arrived on this mountain in what I thought was a committed relationship.

Why is a wishing-well monster trying to seduce me with baked goods and rippling abs?”

“I have no physical form. You may as well ask the wind which direction it naturally blows.”

“There’s three of you, aren’t there? Why choose?” “I’ll try to be gentle.” “Literally nobody told you to do that.”