Spicy Little Curses

by J.T. Geissinger

Shane had threatened to string me up by my ankles from the ceiling of the pressroom and let the interns beat me like a piñata if I didn’t get the scoop on Dax, so I was doubly motivated. I knew he’d make good on his word, too, considering just last month he’d locked me in the archive room overnight for missing a deadline.

😳🤣

“Your shop is haunted?” “No.” “You’re an alien?” “No.” “You have a genetic disorder that makes you supernaturally surly and uncooperative?” As a reward for my sarcasm, I got the quirked lips again. “I’d rather have that than your annoying-and-mouthy disorder, Notebook.

🤣

“You don’t know me, but I’m as stubborn as a drunk goat on a narrow bridge.” I made a face at her. “That’s the dumbest metaphor I’ve ever heard.” She pursed her lips and considered it. “How about this? I’m as stubborn as if a drunk goat and a brick wall had a baby.” “What’s with the drunk goats? You spend a lot of time around alcoholic farm animals?” She laughed again. “I mean, if you knew my boss, you’d get it.”

🤣

Suddenly exasperated, she threw her hands in the air. “Cut me some slack! This is the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me. Which is saying something, considering I once accidentally joined a cult because they had really good tacos.” I stared at her for a beat, unsure I’d heard her right. “What?” She waved a hand in the air dismissively. “I’m obsessed with tacos. My therapist says it’s not really about tacos, it’s about unresolved childhood trauma and the tacos are just like a placeholder or something, a stand-in for my real emotional issues, which I think is just silly because anyone who’s ever had good carnitas will tell you that they’re the opposite of traumatic, they’re basically heaven on a plate, but she’s the one with all the expensive degrees. Anyway, the point is—”

What the heck 🤣🤣🤣

Slowly and deliberately, the figure raised a hand and pointed a bony finger at me. Great. The faceless corpse is pointing at me like I won a prize. Hope it’s not demonic possession.

This girl is HILARIOUS. Why isnt this book rated higher??

“Just like I don’t believe in the Loch Ness Monster, I don’t believe in love, okay? It’s a fairy tale. What people call romantic love is just hormones. It doesn’t exist.”

Ohhh, I hate that 🙄

I’m also too curious to not want to know why the curse has suddenly changed to go after a woman who’s not in love.” “If that’s your roundabout way of trying to say I really am in love with you, I just don’t realize it yet, you’ve got broken front teeth in your immediate future.”

Petra gasped, “You’re so lucky I’m not a flowers-and-foreplay girl.” I growled, “And you’re lucky I’m not a man who minds sass.” “Mind it? Are you kidding me? You love it, Sunshine. Now shut your pretty mouth and make me forget I don’t like you.”