Hot for Slayer

by Ali Hazelwood

Did the raccoons eat your prefrontal cortex, idiot? You have to kill him. Immediately.

Do you also remember when he cut off your chin with his dumb Crusade sword? It took, like, five weeks for it to grow back to the right shape.

But my white-hot take is that I’ve done nothing wrong, at least not since I began observing a strictly asshole-tarian diet.