Hot for Slayer

by Ali Hazelwood

as much as it pained me to admit it, I did have a bit of a parasocial relationship going on with him,

what’s a girl to do when the only constant presence during the last millennium of her life has been a guy who’s contractually mandated to murder her?

Fuck him and his dry-cleaning bill.

“Flushed and plump and beautiful.

Slayers, too, were unlikely to make a big fuss over some light stabbing.

He was bleeding profusely, and the scent of it wafted up, strong, metallic, divine.

“We can make out later, no?”

My mother didn’t raise a quitter.

My favorite part of being in the convent, of course, was the taste of sisterhood it gifted me.

Most vampires are extremely territorial.

Vampires suck—no pun intended—and

My motto is: If I have to suck someone dry every few weeks, why not make it a Goldman Sachs executive?

I enjoyed the four seasons, the museums and movie theaters, the scent of the eateries I would never step foot into.

Teenage Dirtbag Vampire

Kill him now. Kill. Him. Now.