Hot for Slayer

by Ali Hazelwood

Since someone needed to stop him, and since I hadn’t fed properly in a few weeks, I decided to pay him a visit and kill two birds with one stone.

siiiggghhhh lost chance for a theme of morality with your vampires : (((

I grunted as a dagger sank into my stomach, pinning me to the brick wall. It wasn’t a big deal. The only surefire way to kill a vampire was to drag them kicking and screaming into the sun, which Lazlo knew very well. Still, being skewered fucking hurt. “Nice t-to see you, t-too,” I sputtered between coughs, trying to hold my smile in place. A mix of phlegm and blood squirted out of my throat and landed on his button-down, but I didn’t feel bad at all.

this didn't make me feel good

“Yes,” he interrupts with a low, irritated grunt. “I really do not. I don’t remember my name, yours, the reason I’m here, or the events that precipitated this moment. Moreover, I couldn’t list a single person I know. In fact, I don’t even remember when I learned the meaning of the words I’m using. What I do know, however, is the definition of amnesia, which is a not uncommon symptom following a blow to the head—”

i think I'm gonna cry oh my god

I huff. “You wear sunglasses inside, for one.” 23 His face falls, mortified. Mafia boss? No problem. Douchebag? A line must be drawn. “Do I really?” “No,”

God kill me now

“I haven’t seen him in . . . ten years or so? And I was heartbroken when he left me, which inspired me to pour my emotions into some music.” I lowered my eyes. Pretended to sniffle. “But, good news, he came back to me.” More scattered, good-hearted claps. “And he’s here tonight.”

this is so unbelievably petty it's kinda iconic

Our species has a clear case of hot-girl tummy, and I’m grateful to the twenty-first century for giving us a final diagnosis.

pls, I don't like vampire with white girl humor 😭😭😭

“Spider!” I scream, running to duck behind Lazlo. It’s big and streaked in yellow and gross, and God, I’ve always hated arthropods.

you are a centuries year old vampire, are we being fr

“I know your smell. I know your skin. Your hair. It’s all familiar. I have it all memorized. And I dream of you—of this. So many dreams, all so different, we must have done it a million times, in a million different ways. Tell me what you’re hiding from me, let’s get this over with, and then let’s do it a million more times.”

va had bills to pay my god

I barely have time to shove Lazlo out of the way before the vampire who tried to kill me two nights ago attacks me again.

IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS??????

I’ve bled a lot, which means that I’m going to need to feed soon, so I’ll have to find someone who—” 82 “I will help,” he blurts out.

real shit