How to Love (Mindfulness Essentials, #3)

by Thich Nhat Hanh

The roots of a lasting relationship are mindfulness, deep listening and loving speech, and a strong community to support you.

To understand, we need to listen. That person may be our partner, our friend, our sibling, or our child. You can ask, “Dear one, do you think that I understand you enough? Please tell me your difficulties, your suffering, and your deepest wishes.” Then the other person has an opportunity to open their heart.

without making mistakes, there is no way to learn. If you can learn from your mistakes, then you have already transformed garbage into flowers.

When the emotional, spiritual, and physical are in harmony, then intimacy can be very holy.

If you have the impression that you know the other person inside and out, you are wrong. Are you sure that you even know yourself? Every person is a world to explore.

MEDITATION Meditation consists of generating three kinds of energy: mindfulness, concentration, and insight. These three energies give us the power to nourish happiness and take care of our suffering. Suffering may be there. But with the energy of mindfulness, concentration, and insight, we can embrace and take care of that suffering and nourish happiness at the same time.

So to love someone, you have to understand the real needs of that person, and not impose on her what you think is needed for her to be happy. Understanding is the foundation of love.

To love is not to possess the other person or to consume all their attention and love. To love is to offer the other person joy and a balm for their suffering. This capacity is what we have to learn to cultivate.

At first, love can be tainted with attachment, possessiveness, and the desire to control. But with the practice of mindfulness, concentration, and insight, we can transform these hindrances and have a love that is spacious, all-encompassing, and marvelous.