How to Love (Mindfulness Essentials, #3)

by Thich Nhat Hanh

When our hearts are small, our understanding and compassion are limited, and we suffer. We can’t accept or tolerate others and their shortcomings, and we demand that they change. But when our hearts expand, these same things don’t make us suffer anymore. We have a lot of understanding and compassion and can embrace others. We accept others as they are, and then they have a chance to transform.

When we feed and support our own happiness, we are nourishing our ability to love.

Understanding someone’s suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is love’s other name. If you don’t understand, you can’t love.

True love gives us beauty, freshness, solidity, freedom, and peace. True love includes a feeling of deep joy that we are alive. If we don’t feel this way when we feel love, then it’s not true love.

Often, we get crushes on others not because we truly love and understand them, but to distract ourselves from our suffering. When we learn to love and understand ourselves and have true compassion for ourselves, then we can truly love and understand another person.

True love is made of four elements: loving kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity.

So build a home inside by accepting yourself and learning to love and heal yourself.

You are part of the universe; you are made of stars. When you look at your loved one, you see that he is also made of stars and carries eternity inside.

If you can accept your body, then you have a chance to see your body as your home.

As you practice building a home in yourself, you become more and more beautiful.

Every child is born in the garden of humanity as a flower.

“Breathing in, I know my dear one is in my arms, alive. Breathing out, she is so precious to me.”

There are three kinds of intimacy: physical, emotional, and spiritual.

It’s important that loving another person doesn’t take priority over listening to yourself and knowing what you need.

In a relationship, when you and your partner share the same kind of aspiration, you become one, and you become an instrument of love and peace in the world.

do you think that I understand you enough? Please tell me your difficulties, your suffering, and your deepest wishes.”

But right now, we just listen.

A true partner or friend is one who encourages you to look deep inside yourself for the beauty and love you’ve been seeking.

Sometimes a kind word is enough to help someone blossom like a flower.

As long as we’re rejecting ourselves and causing harm to our bodies and minds, there’s no point in talking about loving and accepting others.

True love includes a sense of responsibility and accepting the other person as she is, with all her strengths and weaknesses. If you only like the best things in a person, that is not love. You have to accept her weaknesses and bring your patience, understanding, and energy to help her transform. This kind of love brings protection and safety.

Other people’s actions are the result of their own pain and not the result of any intention to hurt you.

We focus on the need and the lack rather than generating the energy of mindfulness, concentration, and insight that can heal our suffering and help the other person as well.

Reconciliation means to work it out within yourself so that peace can be restored. Reconcile with yourself for the sake of the world, for the sake of all living beings. Your peace and serenity are crucial for all of us.

Parents can learn how to sow seeds of happiness, peace, and joy in the new child.

We have to look deeply at our body, feelings, perceptions, mental formations, and consciousness. We can observe how much peace, happiness, and lightness we already have.

Love will enter our thoughts, words, and actions.

We look deeply into ourselves until insight arises and our love flows to the surface.

If we take good care of ourselves, we help everyone. We stop being a source of suffering to the world, and we become a reservoir of joy and freshness.

But without making mistakes, there is no way to learn. If you can learn from your mistakes, then you have already transformed garbage into flowers.

Mindful living is an art, and each of us has to train to be an artist.

Physical intimacy should take place only when there is mutual understanding and love.

If you and your partner both want to do things to relieve the suffering in this world, then your love for each other is connected to your love for others, and it expands exponentially to cover the whole world.

If we set aside time each day to be in a peaceful environment, to walk in nature, or even just to look at a flower or the sky, then that beauty will penetrate us and feed our love and our joy.

“I vow to develop understanding and compassion in me, so I can become an instrument of peace and love, to help society and the world.”

The more you practice, the more you see your love growing and growing until there is no limit.

You don’t need to look for happiness. When we’re in touch with the wonders of life, we become aware of the many conditions of happiness that are already there, and naturally we feel happy.

So to love someone, you have to understand the real needs of that person, and not impose on her what you think is needed for her to be happy. Understanding is the foundation of love.

Everything is impermanent. This moment passes. That person walks away. Happiness is still possible.

For true love to be there, you need to feel complete in yourself, not needing something from outside. True love is like the sun, shining with its own light, and offering that light to everyone.

As a true lover, the direction you look in is peace.

How can we live in a way that brings a smile, the eyes of love, and happiness to everyone we encounter?

Ask yourself, “Who can I make smile this morning?” This is the art of creating happiness.

The greatest gift we can make to others is our true presence.

When we hug, our hearts connect and we know that we are not separate beings.