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“Baby love…I know you hate me. I know I lost you.” Tahli swallowed a bowling ball, unsure of his direction. “But I would fuck the shit out of you if you need me to.”
“It’ll go away, right? It has to. With time. Because it’s normal to think about your ex when he’s all you’ve known. But…it’s just sex. He’s still the same deceitful…lying...heartbreaker-ass Vin,” Tahli rambled, gnawing on her thumb skin. A fleeting thought raised her brows.
“Unless…he’s all healed and better and…” Tahli wet her lips, “and she’ll get that shit. She’ll get the great man he was minus the flaws that broke us. You know in my overthinking, I’ve replayed that night so many times. The night he made DJ.” Tahli tasted the bile from the confession.
“Why? Because I’m a recovering addict?” Abby accused of Paige. “I know that’s what you were thinking.” “No. well…,” Paige angled her small head, her blond locs a shade brighter than Tahli’s. “I was thinking crackhead. But you’re not a crackhead. Which…why you ain’t never do crack, Abs? I mean, you did heroin. So, why not smoke a little crack? You got nothing to lose?”
“I don’t need a therapist. You know why? Because if they heal you, they stop getting paid. Vin’s going to therapy, and he just offered to fuck me on my dresser, knowing I’m engaged. So how healed is he? They cure problems and create new ones so that you can keep coming back. I’m good.”
“I have dated all kinds of women, but I always knew the woman that would have my children would be a black woman. When I changed my mind about marriage, I knew it would be a black woman I married. A specific one, but still. For me…it’s natural. I don’t have to explain or make anyone understand what I’m feeling, when I’m feeling it, or why I’m feeling it. She gets my struggle. I get hers. Niggas who talk that game of other races catering to and respecting men better… From my walks of life, those other women were the most transactional experiences. Whether it’s finance or a fantasy…there’s a
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“Send DJ in here and get to the hospital.”
“Because I don’t have a fucking choice. I am alone,” he reminded her. Tahli broke the eye contact, before braving to join it again.
“If the rules are the rules, then you believe in repentance. So maybe.” He was trying to make her feel better. “Maybe you’ll stop hating me in time to pray for me. Or sneak me in,” he snickered.
“…Apparently, she was battling ovarian cancer, and I never knew. She had her ovaries removed recently, also didn’t know that. Didn’t matter, according to Pru, her bandmate, boyfriend, whatever. It had spread. It was too late.” Tahli gave all of that evenly, without looking his way.
“Thank you, Tahli. You really are too good to me.”
“I took a risk and lost,” Vin seemed to mutter to himself. “I lost more than I ever should’ve gambled.”
“You, Vin. I need you.”
“In this bed I’m your bitch.”
“I’m sorry Dalvin.” She sighed. “You hurt me…but this was cruel.”
“Dalvin!” Don’t you do this to me, Dalvin Isaiah Hayes. Don’t you dare leave me for real.
She had failed him. She was all he had, and she had abandoned him. Yes, within good reason, for people practicing within reason and conditional love. But forget forgiveness, how would she live? How would she live in a world without Dalvin Isaiah Hayes existing in it?
Maybe that was how pain worked. Circling around until it found each person. Like energy. Like hate. Like love.
Afraid what they would find if they sat with themselves for too long. No one there to make up for where you fall short. What if you weren’t enough?
“I just mean…I always felt whatever type of woman you viewed me as, you wanted to be complete opposite of it. I understand. You have always idolized your mother, and we are very different women. Tiffany was quite arcane. She believed in abandoning rules, doing whatever makes one fulfilled, and letting the world adjust. I always knew you admired that mystic aspect of her.”
“Yet, you never respected me for it. Which was how I knew you would never forgive Dalvin. You wouldn’t respect yourself.”
“Stop trying to make sense of everything, Tahli,” he finally had to intervene.
“Just say the word, Tahli. If it’s one little fucking fraction of a chance…you gotta tell me. Am I picking this up right, or no?”
He always knew what Tahli was running from. Weakness. Even if there was strength in her honesty. Even if she was the strongest fucking person he knew.

