The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children

by Dr Shefali Tsabary

Because children carry a blueprint within them, they are often already in touch with who they are and what they want to be in the world. We are chosen as their parents to help them actualize this. The trouble is that if we don’t pay close attention to them, we rob them of their right to live out their destiny. We end up imposing on them our own vision for them, rewriting their spiritual purpose according

It’s no surprise we fail to tune into our children’s essence. How can we listen to them, when so many of us barely listen to ourselves? How can we feel their spirit and hear the beat of their heart if we can’t do this in our own life?

Does our method especially include listening to our child’s spirit? Would we be willing to change the way we interact with our child if it became clear that what we are doing isn’t working?

The nature of unconsciousness is such that, until it’s metabolized, it will seep through generation after generation.

that it rigidifies the ego with its delusions of power.

Since our children are so innocent and ready to be influenced by us, they tend to offer little resistance when we impose our ego on them—a situation that holds the potential for our ego to become stronger.

If you want to enter into a state of pure connection with your child, you can achieve this by setting asi...

not hiding behind an egoic image, you will be able to engage your child as a re...

authenticity automatically resonates with authenticity.

psychic space to invite the lessons of this journey in.

Even when we are called upon to discipline, consciousness shows us how to do so in a manner that bolsters our child’s spirit rather than diminishing it.

this your children are your allies, as they repeatedly mirror aspects of your unconsciousness, affording you opportunity after opportunity to awaken from slumber. Because children deserve parents who are conscious, don’t we owe it to them to allow ourselves to be transformed by them at least as much as we seek to transform them?

How can I parent my children with an awareness of what they truly need from me, and thus become the parent they deserve to have?

How can I rise above my own fear of change and transform myself to meet the requirements of my child’s spirit?

daughter I was privileged to help. Jessica was a good student and the ideal daughter until

may feel we repeat the same patterns of behavior despite our best intentions. When this happens again and again, we wonder whether our unconsciousness will ever end. It can be discouraging.

Each time we become aware of an element of unconscious behavior, however small it may be, an energetic shift occurs.

As we catch ourselves in an unconscious moment and are able to detach from it, we expand our consciousness.

Only by witnessing our unconsciousness as our children reflect it back to us are we able to integrate it.

How different this must be from knowing they are unconditionally accepted and honored. Every child realizes that their behavior

sometimes gets them into a pickle, but this isn’t at all the same as not being accepted and respected for who they fundamentally are. This is why it’s so crucial that, as parents,

the illusion that it’s our place to approve of who ...

Just by the fact they draw breath, they have the right to speak their mind, express their feelings, and embody their spirit. Such rights are bestowed with the birth certificate.

It may come as a surprise to hear that both disapproval and approval are tentacles of control. While we can certainly praise our children

and celebrate their successes, it’s so easy t...

taint of approval or disapproval, which quickly affects how our children feel ...

They are resting, and you tell them how appreciated they are. They are sitting, and you tell them how happy you are to sit with them.

They are walking in the house, and you stop them to say, “Thank you for being in my life.” They hold your hand, and you tell them how much you love to hold theirs.

They wake up in the morning, and you write them a letter saying how blessed you are to get to see...

You pick them up from school and tell them how much...

They smile, and you tell them your he...

They kiss you, and you tell them you love being i...

of inner connection and, consequently, emotional

Accepting our children in their as-is state requires us to surrender our ideas of who they “should” be—a surrender that’s akin to a psychic death—and enter into

state of pure communion with them so that we can respond to them as they need us to.

is why parenting a young child is our greatest opportunity for change. If we are open to it, our child acts as our guru. How

When we accept our children for who they are, we mistakenly believe this is to passively allow them to continue with behavior that may be destructive.

If they are being “bad” because they are having trouble handling painful emotions, we need to be understanding.

If they are needy and clingy, we may need to be cuddly and attentive, or—if we have been overly attentive

If they are boisterous and playful when it’s time to do homework, we need to contain them and bring them to a state of attention and focus. Acceptance of our

parent who is unable to accept their own being in all its glory will never be able to accept their children. Acceptance of our children goes hand-in-hand with an acceptance of ourselves. Only to the degree that we honor ourselves will we honor our children.

to accept our children for who they are at any given moment brings a feeling of release and inner spaciousness.

No longer defining ourselves by our need for control, we enter into kinship.

moment newness to emerge. To break free of stereotyping, you would have to truly enter the present and respond to your children with complete openness.

To do this would require becoming silent in your children’s presence, freeing yourself of all distractions, and attuning yourself to them in a state of curiosity and delight.

When all we know ourselves to be is the image we have of ourselves, the idea of having to change threatens our identity, which is why we vigorously defend ourselves and vainly hope that the others in our life will be the ones to change.

Ego is in operation anytime we find ourselves attached to a thought pattern or belief system. We often don’t even recognize we are attached until we are triggered on an emotional level. However, whenever anger, control, domination, sadness, anxiety, or even a positive emotion such as happiness takes over and our sense of our “rightness” reigns supreme, we are in ego.

Our ego therefore needs to crumble to allow our authenticity to emerge, which in turn frees our children to grow up true to themselves. If we free ourselves from our ego and simply observe our children’s development as life spontaneously teases it out of them, they become our

In other words, living authentically allows us to cease looking at our children as blank canvasses on which we can project our image of who they should be, seeing them instead as fellow travelers on the journey, changing us as much as we are changing them.

None of us likes to be perceived as an incompetent parent. Our ego needs us to be seen as a superlative parent. Anytime we feel less perfect than what we wish to be, we experience anxiety because we believe we have “fallen” in the eyes of others. Then we react in an emotional manner.