Bad Date

by Ellery Lloyd

Fay: Hello and welcome to Ride or Die, with me, Fay Roper. Poppy: And me, Poppy Blake, Fay’s personal assistant and best friend forever . . .

Anyway, as regular Ride or Die fans will know, this is the podcast where two basic besties talk about life, love, and our laughably terrible choices.

take a moment to appreciate how good I look—I’ve grown stubble, got coloured contact lenses in, and am wearing a pink T-shirt from a brand called Prada, a surprisingly good colour on me. Then—ignoring the blisters on my heels from my new, 10slightly too-tight Veja trainers—I

I’ve always believed in love at first sight, but I’ve never actually experienced it until now. The only way to describe it is a serene certainty, your soul saying: There you are, at last.

Just as, all evening, I have been pretending not to know that it is Fay Roper who is sitting across the table from me.

She has always said that fame is the price she’s prepared to pay for doing what she loves, but her son doesn’t owe the world shit.