Picking Daisies on Sundays

by Liana Cincotti

Do you hear that? That’s the sound of my heart knocking against my chest at the sight of you

I felt seen in that moment, and I would’ve slept in that feeling if it weren’t for the fact that it was all pretend.

‘Sorry,’ I whispered. Apologizing for touching him, I reiterated, ‘I should’ve asked.’ ‘Don’t say sorry, you don’t ever need to ask,’

Was it wrong of me to think of you when you were never mine?

Because you look at me with conviction when I don’t even know the crime I committed

‘I wanted to tell you that you looked beautiful because you are. I knew I wouldn’t miss you when you walked in tonight because you’re you. You’re so physically enthralling, let alone when you speak. And when you speak, all of the light in the room comes from you. You’re absolute sunshine and spring.

‘Everywhere we go, people are infatuated by you, looking at you and yearning to talk to you. I…’ He paused for a long moment. ‘I am infatuated by you.’

And then it hit me like a train, right then I realized, I was madly, deeply, undeniably in love with him. I’d always been in love with him. I loved him so much that my heart was pounding against my chest, trying to reach his to tell him.

‘You intoxicate me, Daisy. The scent of flowers lingers on you everywhere you go, and I always want to follow,’

But no one tells you how much love feels like grief until you have your heart broken and realize you can’t take any of it back.

‘You’ll know you’re in love when being around them never feels long enough. Everything you learn about them will be beautiful pockets of information, no matter how flawed. Your hands will be clammy, and you’ll trip over your words when you’re around them. But if they love you back, they’ll only think it makes you lovelier.’

‘I’ll buy you flowers every day for the rest of my life if it makes you this happy.’

It was statistically proven that if you didn’t tell the person you were in love with that you loved them, then it’d be written across your face at all times. That was completely factual. And I had the evidence, because it was how I looked at the moment, walking into Levi’s mother’s home to find him chasing Rhea.

‘I want an all-consuming love. Not one that suffocates, but one that makes me so thankful that my chest feels physically overwhelmed with emotion. To have this silent, unspoken communication with a person through touch and gazes.’

‘I want to be noticed in a crowded room. I want to be the only person in a crowded room. I want to be wanted, truly wanted, and desired. I want to laugh and to sing and to dance with someone and not feel self-conscious over it because I love them and I’m confident that they love me. I want to be touched and kissed and held, because I’ve forgotten what it feels like… and yet, I think I deserve it.’

‘You don’t deserve this, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. You’re spring, baby. You’re more radiant than flowers and the sun and no one can take that away from you.’

Tell him you love him, Daniella, tell him before it’s too late. Tell him that you love him and that you want him to come with you. Tell him how you want to kiss him every day and you want him to twirl the ends of your hair like he did in high school. That you want him to come to Paris with you, and experience love the way the hopeless romantic tourists did.

My heart has been broken a million times by the same hand, yet I would let it happen a million times again if it meant it was by you

‘Because when you find out the person you’ve been in love with for your entire life loves you back, you’ll spend the rest of your life making up for lost time.’