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Do you hear that? That’s the sound of my heart knocking against my chest at the sight of you
‘You do perplex me,’ he responded. I said that aloud? I watched as he put the purse over his shoulder and walked to the car without another word.
But as much as it made him independent, it also turned him into a puzzle, made of pieces of each woman.
‘Sorry,’ I whispered. Apologizing for touching him, I reiterated, ‘I should’ve asked.’ ‘Don’t say sorry, you don’t ever need to ask,’
And when the soil grows old, I’ll comfort it in the chaos of the storm
His love was the type to be shared, not to be owned.
Without having a chance to form another thought, a jacket – his jacket – wrapped around me. It smelled of sandalwood and cinnamon, and was heavy on my shoulders, like a workman’s jacket meant to protect his skin.
But I had a dating cycle: go on a date, feel utterly disappointed by said date, question if I’d ever find love, and then enter my romantic comedy, lover-storyland hibernation where I convinced myself that if love existed in films and books, then those stories must’ve been inspired by real love stories too. (Right?) Within a few months, my love for romance had built up again and I reentered the dating apps. Rinse and repeat.
My heart was so full of our memories that it painted my body like a scrapbook
She lives in between the pinks and yellows of the world, where a beautiful color is unknown to others
I cried so much that I could’ve filled enough champagne bottles to serve to every man that ever made me feel insecure. Tears
‘Levi tried making one earlier but failed epically,’
‘Levi hates strawberry shortcake,’ I said, confused. ‘You like it though,’ Claire said.
‘They’re into you! Speaking French is one of the most romantic things on the planet that a man can do.’
‘Huge turn on,’
‘You think it’s a turn on?’ he asked, cocking an eyebrow. Leaning back onto the desk, he crossed his arms.
‘Well, yes – and every other breathing woman,’ I responded with exasperation.
‘I didn’t ask about every other woman; I was as...
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‘You bought me flowers,’ I said, pulling away. ‘Thank you.’ ‘I’ll buy you flowers every day for the rest of my life if it makes you this happy.’ My entire sternum warmed like an angel food cake heating up in an oven.
breath. ‘I want to be noticed in a crowded room. I want to be the only person in a crowded room. I want to be wanted, truly wanted, and desired. I want to laugh and to sing and to dance with someone and not feel self-conscious over it because I love them and I’m confident that they love me. I want to be touched and kissed and held, because I’ve forgotten what it feels like… and yet, I think I deserve it.’
Being your friend has hurt as much as it did in high school, because friends aren’t supposed to love each other romantically. And I do. I love you. I love the sound of your voice when you’re worried. And I love the way your hair always looks so stupidly perfect, even when it’s messy. And I love the way you make me feel; like my heart is about to take off down a runway before catching air. I love it all. But I know how you felt in high school, and I don’t expect that to change. So yes, I’m leaving again, and I’m sorry for not being strong enough in this friendship to suppress my feelings for
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Burden me with your secrets / So I can carry the weight you’re so fearful of letting go
‘Because when you find out the person you’ve been in love with for your entire life loves you back, you’ll spend the rest of your life making up for lost time.’
She gasped and clung onto my arms. She smelled like vanilla and roses, and I wanted it all. I’d get on my knees and worship her if I could have this every day. Her hips my altar and her lips my religion.
