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“Please don’t go,” he delivers incessantly, vigorously, but delicately. “Please, please, please don’t go.” He doesn’t just hold me; he embraces me. His chest is firmly pressed against my back, and I realize then that the loud drumming isn’t coming from the water. It’s coming from him. It’s his heart that’s racing at a dangerous speed, all too rapidly, all too thunderous against me. “Please don’t go.”
“Because I need to make sure this is real,” I pathetically admit. “I need to make sure my mind isn’t playing games with me. I—I know this sounds bizarre, but please. I promise I won’t make it weird. I just need to touch you. I need to know I’m not dreaming, Josie.”
“Josie…” “Hmm?” Her eyes never leave mine. “I’m so happy you’re here.” “You wouldn’t let go.” Her voice wavers, fragile like that night. “I couldn’t and I wouldn’t.”
“Because I don’t think it’s working. I see you, Jos.”
“Do I need to beg on my knees to make it happen?” The corners of my lips uncontrollably twitch and his eyes track the flicker before it’s gone. That makes his smile widen and my heart flutter. I take another sip, not sure how to respond to that. “I can make it happen. Just say the word or snap your finger. That works too.”
“Sto facendo di tutto per non baciarti in questo momento.” I lift a brow, holding back a smile. “Well? You know I have no idea what that means.” He stares at me for a long beat, his amber eyes holding me in place and burning me up. “I said, I hope you’re ready to eat.”
“Do you want to get married and have kids?” I now ask. “I never thought you’d ask.” He flashes me a haughty smile. “But listen, I’m all for women taking the lead. I’m a supporter and all, but if anyone is going to propose, it’ll be me.” “You’re really willing to spend the rest of your life with me?” I don’t know why I play along but I do. “Yes.” His knuckles brush against mine. My cheeks flame. “Are you sure you want that?” “I’m sure it’s what I need,” he instantly replies, not missing a beat.
God, she’s soft. I
“I needed this. I needed you,” he murmurs against my chest, the deep rasp of his voice vibrating against me.
“Did you see my note?” “I did…I didn’t think…you meant it.” “I did. I’ve been dreaming of this,” he thickly says, his knuckles now trailing down to the curve of my jaw, to the crook of my neck, while his other hand gently grips my waist. “You’ve been dreaming of me?” I inhale deeply when I feel his fingers loosen on my waist and brush over the curve of my hip. He exhales a heavy breath as he nods. “Every night.”
Begs, yeans, needs. My body is desperate. No, I’m desperate.
He cups the side of my neck with both hands, his lips just an inch away from mine. “A fucking brat. So stubborn. So frustrating. So hot…” He blows out an exasperated breath. “Can I kiss you? And don’t play games with me right now. Yes or no? If I can’t, I need to get out.”
“If we’re not married by the time we’re thirty, we’ll get married. And we’ll have four babies like we talked about.” Josie blinks, taken aback. “You want to marry me? Why?” she asks like the thought seems unfathomable, something she’s not entirely processing. “Because I see a life with you,” I say because I don’t want to lie. I don’t want to pretend like I haven’t thought about it. “Because you make sense. Because you make me happy and I hope I make you happy.”
“Because, Josefine, you’ve rewired the way I feel touch. Touching anyone that isn’t you feels overwhelming and so wrong. It’s like my brain can’t process that it’s not you. I don’t know how to make sense of that but I don’t want to touch anyone that isn’t you. You’re incomparable. And no, I haven’t touched anyone to find that out. I just know. I can’t and won’t touch anyone that isn’t you. Does that answer your question? Can you answer mine now?”
“Don’t pretend. Be honest with me. Admit you like me needy,” he gruffly says against my lips. “And while you’re at it, tell me whatever’s happening between us is staying strictly between us.”
I care for you more than I care about anything or anyone. I need you to understand that I’d do anything for you. I need you to understand that I don’t regret what I did and wouldn’t change anything about it.”
“My heart begs for you.”
“I don’t like cuddling,” she says, and I tense, drawing my hands away but she stops me. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so dry, and I didn’t mean I wanted you to move.” She pauses and exhales a shuddering breathing. “I don’t like cuddling with anyone, but I really like it with you. I like doing things with you. So, uh, if you want to, you know, hold my hand, or hug me or even kiss me, you can. Whenever you want. If you want.”
“Holiday? I don’t think there’s a holiday today.” “It’s Josie said I’m Her Boyfriend Day. This is one the biggest holidays of them all. So naturally I had to get my girlfriend these.”
“Josie, baby. Please, please, please,” I beg and drop to my knees, staring up at her desperately. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“You’re the special occasion. That didn’t sound too corny, did it?”
His lips quirk up, and his muted eyes light up. “No. You electrified my soul. This is the most awake I’ve ever mentally felt.”
“You know, you are loving. Don’t ever feel like you’re not. I don’t need you to be loud about loving me or do big gestures to show me that you do. I know that you do, in the way you hold me, how you see me, how you let me in, how you accept me for me. You are loving, Josefine, and I’m privileged to be the one you choose to love.”
They didn’t see me. No one did. They saw my Mom and everything she did. No one ever saw me. They just saw her in me. I was so lonely.
“Because those moments we shared are the essence of my existence.”
