Please Don't Go (The Midnight Strike, #1)

by E. Salvador

Josie isn’t just some girl, she’s my girl.

The need to touch her has been constant. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t want to touch her. We wouldn’t need to do anything. I’d be okay with just holding her, listening to her heartbeat and the sound of her voice.

“Because, Josefine, you’ve rewired the way I feel touch. Touching anyone that isn’t you feels overwhelming and so wrong. It’s like my brain can’t process that it’s not you. I don’t know how to make sense of that but I don’t want to touch anyone that isn’t you. You’re incomparable. And no, I haven’t touched anyone to find that out. I just know. I can’t and won’t touch anyone that isn’t you.

“You’re a big deal to me, so I’m going to make it one.

“You say I’m stubborn, but you should look in the mirror. You’re worse.” I’m smiling again. “For you, I’ll be whatever.”

My ongoing issues with my asphyxiating thoughts stopped me from saying it out loud. I don’t want to be her problem, something she needs to worry about. But I want to be selfish, just this once. I want to make her mine, and I want her to want me just as much. I’m not going to push because I don’t know where she truly stands with me. She doesn’t believe in love, I know that much, but I’d love to be the difference. I’d love to win her over, but I don’t want to rush it either.

“My heart begs for you.” “Maybe it’s heartburn?”

Lately and for a while my heart and mind have been in a complicated relationship. They can’t agree so things don’t make sense or align, but you have somehow made them work together.”

“I’m strictly yours like I hope you’re strictly mine.” My heart thrashes, liking the sound of that. Her lips stretch into a small smile. “Strictly mine. Strictly yours.”

“Please stay you. I like your soft heart.” I smile, the anger fading away. “My soft heart?” Her face flushes and she casts her gaze down. “Yeah, you have this thing where you see the good in things. I don’t want that to change about you.”

“Here’s the thing, and listen to me closely…” I cup her jaw with both hands, staring at her red, tear-filled eyes. “When I said I like you, I didn’t say that for the hell of it. When I said I like you, I meant I like every version of you. That includes all the moments whether they’re good or bad. That means all your little expressions, all your dry snarky comments, all your smiles, laughs, and everything that comes from you. I like it all, Josefine. I know it’s hard for you to open up. I know it’s scary and I know this is probably a lot for you, but I am here and as long as you want me in your life, I’m not going anywhere. So…” I bring my lips to her forehead and kiss it but let them linger there. “I’ll give you a moment. Take your time. I have forever.”

“Let yourself feel. Making yourself numb will only make you want to stop breathing. So, talk to me. Let yourself feel. It hurts and that’ll probably never go away, but you can share your pain with me. I can’t promise I’ll make it go away, but I’ll do my best to lessen it.”

“I don’t want to give you my pain.” “I have pain; you have pain. I’m pretty sure they’ll somehow cancel each other out.”

At times, I was watching myself drift away. I wanted to pull myself back, force my body back in my own, but I couldn’t. I just watched it go. And at others, I was hearing what he was saying, but I couldn’t connect to anything. A part of me felt untethered from my body, while the other was watching that disconnected part teeter over the edge. So close yet I couldn’t feel a thing. I was just there.

“I couldn’t remember what feeling alive was like until she came into my life.”

“I’ll love you even on the dark days. I-I know that’s hard to believe. I know I’ve never been the most uh, sentimental, sappy, or even loving person. I know I haven’t shown you enough how much I care about you. I know I’m shit at expressing myself and maybe you’ll find it hard to believe that I care this deeply for you…” I pause, wanting to gather my thoughts because I’m rambling, but the words continue to spill out like a broken dam. “That I feel this intense fire, consuming burn in my body for you.

“I sound like an idiot, don’t I?” “No, God, no.” He tucks my hair behind my ear. “You sound like the girl I love.”

They were papers with words on them, I thought at first, but then they became more. They weren’t just words he was saying for the hell of it or to placate me. They were little reminders every day that Daniel was—is happy that I’m here.