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Everything feels like it’s going to shit lately. But it’s too late to change it now. There’s nothing left for me here anymore.
“I want more…” I murmur. My face drops when I play with my father’s dog tags in my pocket. If my father were still alive, he would have been my number one supporter. He would convince my mom to stop overreacting because I’d be fine.
She blames me for his death. She’s never said it, but she doesn’t have to. She says it in the way she hasn’t hugged me since the funeral. She screams it with the way she’s been absent from all of my school graduations since joining the military. I thought she needed more time. I hoped that she would stop seeing me as the girl who is responsible for her husband’s death and treat me like her daughter again…but I was wrong.
Maybe I’ll get lucky and the devil he warned me about is not my instructor…and if he is there, I hope I don’t catch his attention.
I’ve caught the attention of the monster everyone’s been whispering about on the first damn day.
I’ve done exactly what I didn’t want to…caught the attention of the one they call the Beast.
I don’t care if she lives or dies. It’s my job to eradicate the frail, spineless candidates. I always break them. I always celebrate when I hear the words: I quit. She will break for me. They always do.
One—there are no gray areas when it comes to his mentality. There’s only right or wrong. Two, he’s never truly smiled. And three, whenever he’s around me, my heart beats a little faster and harder than it should.
“And if I forget you…just know I will always love you. This disease might take my body, mija, but it will not take my spirit. And my spirit will always be with you.” A weak smile spreads across her cheeks.
I can’t do this. I can’t live without you. You’re my world. I’m lost without you.
I wish grandparents could live forever.
The worst scars are the ones you can’t see—the ones imprinted in your soul and the ones you take to your grave.
I’m going to graduate. I will become one of the first female special operators to join the short list of strong, accomplished women, and it’s killing them all.
Fuck. I’d be lying if I weren’t trembling from how much I fear him. At the same time, that little voice in my head tells me I like it when he’s mean to me because I have the power to get under his cruel skin.
“There will be consequences if another man holds you like that again.”
She makes me feel…I thought this type of fire was dead to me.
“Don’t you ever fucking say those two words to me again. Your mind is holding you back, and you’re capable of getting yourself out of this situation. Let’s go.”
“You feel that? That fear? Don’t drown in it—instead, use it to your power and as motivation to fight back harder.” His voice is calm and collected as always, and it manages to snap me out of that state of mind I’m in.
“If you fucking breathe the same air as Violet, look at her…if you even think about her again, I’ll carve your eyes out of your skull,”
“I don’t need anyone’s help to pick up my pieces because I don’t break. I don’t shatter. I don’t quit. I don’t need Adam. I don’t need anyone’s help. I can do this alone, like I’ve been doing from the start. My mother left. My father is dead. My grandmother is here, but she isn’t here at the same time because her Alzheimer’s and cancer are taking her away. I’m my own family, sir.”
he flexes. “Maybe in your eyes, I’m not good enough to be here, but I’m going to try like hell to prove it every day I wear that uniform.”
I want him to dominate me. I want to make him forget about the dark demons that plague his soul.
Sure enough, my mother isn’t here. Isabella, my older sister, isn’t here to tease me. No one showed up for me. A burn hits my chest, but it disappears as quickly as it came. I don’t fall apart. I will not. Humming softly, I hold my breath as a storm of emotions tramples my insides. No one came.
She said she thinks I’m broken, and it takes one to know one. Why is she ‘broken’? Why does she only let her guard down when she taints her blood with alcohol?
order me around.” “Always so fucking stubborn. Always wanting to know shit that doesn’t concern you. Always wanting to bark out orders instead of taking them,” he argues. “And you—always bark with no fucking bite,” I taunt him.
“I’m a model soldier, a gentleman, but the way I lose all control when it comes to you is the bane of my existence.”
“You better start wearing panties or I’ll fuck that bratty little smile off your lips right now.” Oh, um…yes, please.
“You look beautiful in red, you know that?” He licks my blood off my skin and returns to my mouth. His tongue dives inside, forcing me to taste iron.
“No one’s ever tasted this fucking good. I want to come in my pants just from eating your pussy.”
“I won’t ask how he died, and I won’t say I’m sorry for your loss. Those words won’t do your grief justice to lose someone as special as a father, but I will say that I’m proud of you, and I’m sure he is, too.”
“I understand Adam’s side of things. Falling for someone in the military isn’t easy. When I fell for Graham, I didn’t realize how hard it would be. I missed him so much that it felt like I was dying slowly every single day when he was at war.” She trails off, clutching her teddy bear tighter.
like you,” I repeat, shrugging my shoulders. “I haven’t stopped thinking of that night. In fact, I think about it too much, and I hate myself for it. I can’t be around you. Our jobs. Our situation. Adam is your son…and Penny?” His shoulders sink, and he takes a step back. My skin already yearns for his flesh to return to mine.
I’m a special forces soldier. I worked hard and sacrificed. My job is to protect and serve alongside my brothers—something bigger than myself. This is what I was meant to do…but it’s not easy, and it certainly isn’t fair.
“I’m a man who’s going to use all your holes and make you forget about the one who put that meaningless ring on your finger.”
Whatever Kade and I are or do stays between us. It’s not because of the consequences or that I don’t trust her—I just want to keep this all to myself without explaining the details to anyone. People are quick to judge and criticize. I’d rather not open up about it just yet, mainly because I’m still trying to figure Kade
Whenever someone tells me I can’t do something, I want to do it that much more. I’m here to honor my father, yet there are days when I’m unsure of myself. I like my job, but I’m not sure I want to do this for the rest of my life.
“I haven’t stopped thinking about you. Every single night, I feel you in my veins when I’m alone. Every single time I’m out on a mission, I can still smell that sweet perfume you wore on the beach, or maybe it was just you. Every single day, you cross my mind, tormenting me.” He grips my mouth, forcing his fingers into the hollows of my cheeks, making me part my mouth.
“No, Kade. I want you, and I don’t give a crap about what the world thinks. I want you to let yourself be happy with me. Do I make you happy?”
“You belong to me until I say this is over. You won’t scream anyone else’s name. If another man touches you, I’ll kill him. I don’t share what’s mine. I don’t give a fuck if that makes me crazy. I’m greedy. You need to know what happens when you give yourself over to a heartless, cruel, starving man.”
“You’ll be punished for this, Little Mariposa.” His possessive tone makes my blood hot, like liquid fire. Every touch makes me crave him even more. “Act like a fucking brat, and I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll feel me inside your soul for the rest of your life and when you’re resting in your grave.”
“I want you, Kade. Let yourself feel good. Be selfish for once. I’m not so bad...I don’t think.”
“I’m the only one that gets to touch you like this right now. Until the sun rises, I own you, Violet. Every moan, every scream, every breath, and again until the moon goes down, you’re mine.”
“I want it hard, I want it fast, I want no remorse. Please show me the side of you that you’re ashamed of. Show me the version of Kade that made me choke on his beautiful cock in a closet.”
“And you are my salvation—my anchor in an ocean I’ve been drowning in.”
I know what I have to do to make everyone happy. It’s time to man the fuck up and stop being a greedy bastard. She deserves more out of life, and I won’t be able to give that to her.
“I’ve always been corrupted by your light, no matter how hard I tried to fight it. I’m not sorry about breaking the rules—I’m only sorry I didn’t say these things sooner.”
“Baby, you and I will never be out of time. What we have together is infinite. Even when we’re nothing but phantoms with beatless hearts, we will always be perfectly intertwined because you were made for me.”
“If you’re trying to hide that you’re in love with him, you’ve done a terrible job. You kept saying his name repeatedly. Over and over again, with a cry I’ve never heard anyone make. But it hurt me to see you like that. It killed me to hear you break. It’s clear he owned your heart.”
“I’m not going to sit here and tell you I’m sorry because that would be a lie. I’m in love with Kade. I’m deeply and crazily insatiable for that man. He loved you and every single soldier he worked with, and you should remember that about him because he’s never given you any reason not to.”
