Debt

by Nina G. Jones

you know I’m a kinky bitch, and you’re a closet kinky bitch.”

Yes, I’d like to schedule my assault for Thursday at 6pm. Yes, my place is fine.

Oh no, my friend, I got the good D. I got the BEST D. I got the D that’s ruined me for other guys.

If I am going to exchange my dignity for sex, then I better get some fucking sex.

Vindictive? You bet your motherfucking ass I am.

Hate can become so ingrained in you that it becomes part of your identity, your psyche. You define yourself with that hatred, so that if it leaves and there is nothing else to replace it, you lose a piece of yourself. I think when you feel anything strong enough it becomes its opposite. I think you can love someone so hard that you hate them. And I think you can hate someone so hard you grow attached. That’s why some people spend their whole lives hating someone they repeatedly invite into their lives: they don’t even know who they are without it.

My dad used to warn me that the devil doesn’t have horns and a pitchfork, he’ll appear as the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. He’ll make you laugh. He’ll make you feel good. You’ll do things you never thought you would, but he’ll tell you it’s okay. And before you know it, you’ve sold your soul to him. That’s how I know Tax is my devil.

“Because as soon as I leave after having you, I want you again. And then even when I have that, it’s not enough. When I see another man look at you the way I do, I want to kill him. I want to swallow you. I want to consume you. I want to possess you. I want you.”

“The answer is no. I have only been with you. I very much enjoy fucking you raw, and I also very much enjoy my cock, so I keep him well taken care of.”

“Mia, I bought a sex toy company so I could be close to you. If there is anyone who shouldn’t take themselves seriously, it should be me.”

It’s come full circle: the girl who set me on the path of destruction can be my redemption.

This whole giving a shit thing is so bizarre.

I have been collecting on a debt from Mia that she never owed.

Wow!

I don’t care how we got here any longer, I just like where we are going.

“I’m a harsh person. I say mean things even when I don’t mean to. If another guy lays a hand on you, I’ll break it. I don’t make love, or have sex, I fuck. Sometimes hard. Sometimes brutally. I don’t get upset, I fuck shit up. I don’t play well with others.”

I thought that, somehow, getting her pregnant might make up for everything I did to her by saving her life and giving her the family she had lost. But to normal people, lives are not interchangeable fucking Lego pieces. You can’t trade one for the other. I can’t make up for the person I eliminated by gifting her a new one.

I thought I could save Mia from death by giving her life, but it’s all the same shit with me. Even when I create, I destroy.

“Say please,” I groan in her ear. “You like to beg, don’t you?” “Please Tax, stick your huge fucking cock inside of me.” Holy shit, she is so fucking hot.

“Rex, I am literally having my cock sucked underneath this counter as we speak. Do I need to fucking build a sign? Go somewhere else!”

It happened tear by tear, thrust by thrust, kiss by kiss, but over time Tax and me have evolved into something beautifully ugly. The painful journey is just as important as this moment here because without it, what we have now would not have the same meaning.

So true!

I’ll be back on Thursday. Then I am having you all weekend. And then I am locking you in the condo, selling your house, and moving all your shit in.”

I’ve never cared about doing the right thing, I just wanted the just thing. An eye for a motherfucking eye.

He’s light and dark, forgiveness and vengeance, beauty and ugliness. He’s all those things. My beautiful savage. And even savages protect their young.

We are the thing of beauty created from catastrophe. We are the light burning bright, forged from an impossible collection of coincidences.