Breaking Point: A Fake Dating Ice Hockey Romance (IceHawks Book #1)

by Mads Rafferty

“Please make it stop,” I cry out, my hand clutching my chest. “Please make it stop!” Grayson sounds pained. “I can’t, Bella. I’m so sorry.” “I don’t want to be here without her. Please don’t do this. Please, please, please bring her back. I don’t want to do this, please,” I beg.

“I’ll try and keep you away from people but they’re going to give you condolences and it’s going to feel like hearing nails on a chalkboard.” I wish someone had done this for me when Drew passed, so I’m giving to her what I needed in that moment. “It’s going to hurt, Bella, but if it gets to be too much squeeze your hand in mine three times and I’ll get you away.” “Three times?” Her voice is rough. Gravelly. It shocks me into silence for a moment because I haven’t heard her beautiful voice outside of crying and screaming in a week. Walking around to face her, I note her gaze tracking my movements. “Three times.” “Three is my favorite,” she whispers.

I never let go. And neither does she.

“My mom was such an extraordinary person who was taken far too soon. She painted my life with color, and now that it’s gray without her, I’m afraid I’ll never experience any other shades.” She stops suddenly, her throat working. “But I’m grateful to have experienced a life with her that was full of color, even if it feels like someone stole her painting before she was able to finish it.”

Bella is holding on by a thread but it snaps as the pastor asks her to come to the front and place the white rose she’s been clutching in her free hand on top of the casket. “It’s time to say goodbye,” he says solemnly. Those words.

She never takes her gaze off the casket. Until a deep male voice calls out behind us. “Bella?” Bella’s head snaps up so fast she almost falls over. Lifting her sunglasses, I expect tears to be filling her eyes but instead, there’s just pure vicious venom. “You have some fucking nerve showing up here,” she spits.

“I know exactly what the doctors said. You want to know why? Because when you left, someone had to step up and that for sure as shit wasn’t going to be your coward ass, so it was me, Dad.” My voice breaks. “It was me that was there for every doctor appointment and hospital visit. It was me holding her hair back while she vomited from chemotherapy. It was me holding her as she wept in the house you abandoned her in. It was all me!”

“Thank you.” “Nothing to thank me for.” “Most men would have run.” “Those who do are cowards.” My lips thin. “That they are.”

In the box, there are labeled letters, written in my mom’s telltale cursive handwriting. Engagement. Wedding. 30th birthday. 40th birthday. 50th birthday. My grandbabies. My passing. For when you need my love. For when you miss me. For when you need a hug. For when you’re pregnant. For when you’re postpartum. All the control in the world can’t stop the tears from freefalling down my cheeks. “So she never had to say goodbye,” I whisper and smile.

Gently plucking the letter out of the box, I ask, “Can you stay with me? While I read it?” “Of course. Whatever you need.” I’m quiet for a moment, letting his words sink in and hoping he means them wholeheartedly. “Why didn’t you leave?” His arms tighten around me. “Because you’re my other half. I wouldn’t be whole without you.” He presses a featherlight kiss to my temple. “You deserve someone who stays, Bella.” “Thank you for being that person.” Grayson pulls back, turning me to face him, and the look of confusion has me pausing. “You don’t see it, do you?” “See what?” “How much I love you.” “Do you really mean that? Those are big words⁠—” “I do, and I’ll continue to prove to you that I love you every day until you realize how much you mean to me. That even the world ending couldn’t tear me away from you, because the love I have for you is all-consuming.” His gaze softens. “For as long as you’ll have me, I’ll prove to you every day the love you deserve because I am unconditionally and irreversibly in love with you.” He smiles down at me, brushing his finger down my cheek. “And I don’t need to hear it back from you. I’ll wait however long you need.”

People say we don’t have answers for the afterlife, but I know within my heart and soul that I’ll be right there beside you, Bella. Even as you’re reading this, just know I will be beside you as you do. I’ll be there in the moments as you laugh, as you cry, and as you experience life. Giving birth to you was the greatest gift of my life. Watching you grow into the beautiful young woman that you are today is my greatest pride and joy. You are my light, my love and my happiness all wrapped up in one, and that’s how I know you can get through this. I know you’ll be in pain, and I’d be lying if I said that it will fade. It never can when you love something so dearly, but just know that your strength will get you through this.

I’m not going to say goodbye because goodbyes are too hard, and because I know deep down that we will be reunited once more. So until that day comes, just know that I’m always there with you. I love you. Forever and always, my love, Mom

And he still hasn’t left. He has stayed true to his word. He has loved me on days that I couldn’t get out of bed. He has loved me on the days that I was smiling and laughing, only to fall apart crying. He has loved me through the days I didn’t want to eat. He has loved me through the highest of highs and lowest of lows.

His cheeks were flushed from exhaustion but also that sweet shyness that creeps up on him. I had never before that moment understood unconditional love, but I felt it in that room, surrounded by the books my mother loved, staring at the man who brought a piece of her to his home to make me feel close to her. The memory of that day always makes my heart melt.

Like on the days that the number three haunts me. It’s always haunted me, has been a lucky number cast in shadows of compulsion, but it truly haunts me now when I missed her by three minutes.

Blowing out a breath, I tear my gaze from my two favorites and look down at the letter with my mom’s handwriting. When you’re ready to love.

When you’re ready to love My love, If you’re reading this then something in your heart is telling you that you’re ready to fully let love all the way in. And thank goodness, because I just know that by the time you read this you’ve been making that poor man wait. But he knows that you need to go at your own pace, and that’s why when he took me home that day from the hospital I knew he was the right partner for you. Life has been cruel to us, Bella. I know that the pain of your father abandoning both of us left scars so deep that they’ll never fully heal. I saw the walls you built around your heart, the armor that you began to wear, but let me say this, my love… Do not let the cold actions of another turn your heart cold. You are a lover, a romantic, and a fighter. It would be a cruel waste of a beautiful heart to let the actions of another destroy it. With that being said, I know it’s easier said than done. I know it’s not easy to trust someone with your heart after such an ordeal, but my love—you are deserving of love. And not just any love—a great love. One that will sweep you off your feet. One that is steady, one that is full of passion and desire, and one that despite bumps in the road will always feel secure. That is Grayson for you. He confessed to me that day he took me home from the hospital that he had fallen for you, the day I saw your heart begin to peek through the iron shackles you had tamed it within. When you’re ready, I know that you will blossom as you gi...

Before I lose my nerve, I blurt out, “I’m ready.” He frowns, and the look of confusion is both admirable and adorable. “Ready for what?” “To start living again.” My voice is a hoarse whisper. “With you.” Grayson blinks before a full-blown smile stretches across his face, and the happiness that radiates from him knocks the breath from me. Before I know it, Grayson is tackling me to the ground, placing his weight atop mine and caging my head between his arms, his lips a breath from mine. “Say it,” he whispers. I look into his eyes, into the joy and vulnerability in them, and confess, “I love you, Grayson Crawford.” The words have barely left my mouth before Grayson is bringing my lips to his in the most fiery passionate kiss. My heart utterly melts as Grayson pulls back, that smile still firmly on his swollen lips as he says with his entire heart and soul, “I’m yours, Bella. I’m wholeheartedly yours.” “And I’m yours,” I whisper.

And thank goodness the higher ups in IceHawks saw that this new version of Grayson is just as powerful as the one before Drew’s passing. Grayson tells me the executives are all extremely happy with their decision and apparently boasting about it after he led his team to win the Stanley Cup.

“Do you ever feel her?” he asks. “Your mom?” I lift my eyes to find him staring down at me, those patient blue eyes mesmerizing. “Sometimes. I feel her the most when I paint or draw.” His lip quirks. “I don’t feel Drew…ever. Except for when I’m out here.” I’m surprised as he starts to laugh. “I have to be honest, Blaze, all I can picture is him giving me shit for putting some of him in a tree.” I’m silent a moment before a small quiet chuckle leaves me, and then it turns into a full-blown laugh. Once the laughter dies down, we sit there, gazing up at our loved ones’ tree.

“Why do you call me Blaze?” I ask suddenly. “Took you long enough to ask.” I nudge his shoulder with mine. “I thought you’d tell me eventually.” “I thought it was obvious,” he says with a shrug. “Humor me.” He pulls his eyes away from the sunset to look down at me. His hand reaches up to place a piece of my hair behind my ear before sliding down my cheek ever so delicately. “Because you’re the blazing fire that rekindled life within my heart, and I never want your flame to be extinguished.”