30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics: How Manipulators Take Control In Personal Relationships

by Adelyn Birch

A manipulator moves items from one place to another and then denies having done so.

You might be a victim of gaslighting if you apologize often, have trouble making decisions, have changed significantly over the course of the relationship, feel you're in a constant state of bewilderment, or have become reclusive and withdrawn.

It conveys contempt and communicates that you are not worth the manipulator’s acknowledgement of your existence, let alone his or her time, love, attention or consideration, according to Steve Becker, LCSW. He writes, “The silencer's aim is, above all, to silence communication. More specifically, it is to render the other invisible and, in so doing, induce feelings of powerlessness and shame.” Becker says the silent treatment "is a technique of torture. This may sound hyperbolic, but human beings need (on the most basic level) recognition of their existence.

The withholding of this recognition, especially if protracted, can have soul-warping consequences on personality.”

There is a reason manipulators want to put you on the defense. Covert manipulation tactics trigger you to react emotionally instead of responding rationally, which is exactly what the manipulator wants. Calm, rational conversations don't always go in their favor. In addition, they can use your emotional reactions against you if they choose to, as you've seen in several other tactics.

“One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.” ~ Charles M. Blow

How someone responds to your emotions and perceptions will indicate how much they respect you, how much they care about you and your feelings, how capable they are of empathy and intimacy, and how much they are trying to change or control you.

Intermittent reinforcement begins insidiously. The stage of continual positive reinforcement—love bombing—ends. Perhaps a phone call or text message isn't returned or doesn't come at the usual time. A hand that always held ours as we walked down the street is kept in a pocket instead. We witness our partner flirting with someone else, although they deny it. For a week, they aren't in the mood to make love. They subtly or overtly criticize or demean us for our weight, our age, our ideas or opinions, or some quirk they once claimed to love. They compare us unfavorably to someone else. They give us the silent treatment.

Little by little, it gets worse. Much worse. But there are always the times you are given a few morsels of love: your partner

reverts back to being the loving and attentive person they used to be. All hope is not lost! You're unwittingly put on an emotional roller coaster, riding it to dizzying h...